🎙️ First Hour Analysis 🎙️

Analysis of Matt & Bob 08-09-2022 Show (First Third)

Is it a Hot Dog Friday Show?

• No indication this is a Hot Dog Friday show

Food items/restaurants were talked about

• Empanadas (frozen from H-E-B) – 34:00-36:00
• Ken’s Tacos – 36:03
• Bird Bird Biscuit – 36:10
• Abel’s restaurant (mentioned by name) – 36:39
• Crackers and licorice (Matt’s house) – 02:11
• Tea mentioned in Japan story – 09:57
• Ravioli – 36:04
• Connor’s spice blend (cumin, garlic, Splenda) – 38:21
• Jess Pryle’s hardcore carnivore seasoning – 39:12
• Peanut butter – 41:16

News stories talked about during this portion

• 08:32 – Man in Japan selling $47,000 Rolex watch gets scammed when buyer asks him to buy tea and steals the watch
• 11:19 – Pilot emergency landing story: Co-pilot Charles Hugh Crooks jumped out of plane with parachute but never opened it, body found in backyard in Raleigh-Durham, North Carolina
• 14:19 – Party in Washington where 59-year-old man drove SUV into backyard doing donuts, then pinned party guest against garage
• 39:32 – FBI raided ex-president’s house (brief mention)
• 39:46 – Austin’s no-kill shelter policy at risk due to overcrowding at Austin Animal Center and Austin Pets Alive

Click Click Boom segment

No “Click Click Boom” segment appears in this portion of the transcript.

Funny moments or memorable quotes during this portion

• 01:22 – Chewie: “A man whose house I’ve made love in before” referring to Matt’s house sitting
• 01:51 – Matt: “I think you’re the only person that I know, including me, that’s ever made love in that house”
• 02:11 – Matt: “Not when I was done licking him” (regarding sheets)
• 08:13 – Discussion about Bachelor Party being Chewie’s favorite movie as a 10-year-old
• 11:09 – Chewie suggests making it “steal something day” or even “steal something month”
• 14:16 – Matt: “Thank you, President” regarding gas prices dropping to $3.30
• 17:04 – Story about Chris peeing through a sofa at a party
• 24:38 – Chewie thinks “Physical” by Olivia Newton-John is about exercise, Matt corrects him: “It’s about doing it dude”
• 32:00 – Discussion about Chris Tellas smelling like cocoa butter/strippers
• 33:12 – Chris admits he masturbated to Jurassic Park Dominion the night before
• 36:04 – Chris: “I’m a ravioli double stuff kind of guy obviously”

Phone callers this portion

• 38:27 – Connor (listener who invented spice blend called “Connor Stank”) reached out but didn’t call in

Bob’s Rock and Roll News segment

Bob Fonseca is out, so Matt Bearden delivered the Rock and Roll News segment.

The Wacken Metal Festival in the UK broke records by selling out all 80,000 tickets in just six hours on Friday for their August 2-5, 2023 event. Organizers were amazed at the speed of the sellout, especially given current economic times. The festival features headliner Iron Maiden along with acts like Megadeth, Burning Witches, and Dropkick Murphys. Matt joked that all UK service workers would be unavailable that weekend as they’d all be attending, and referenced it being attended by “80,000 dudes or one of the two women” who go to metal festivals.

Roger Waters refuses to apologize for calling President Joe Biden a war criminal and accusing him of fueling the Russia-Ukraine war. During his current tour, Waters opens performances with a video claiming Biden is a war criminal “just getting started.” He criticized Biden for not encouraging Ukrainian President Zelensky to negotiate peace. Matt joked about “geriatric on geriatric fighting” and sarcastically suggested that with elite voices like Roger Waters speaking out, a solution to the war must be just around the corner.

Anthrax had to cancel their show in Dallas while Black Label Society and Hatebreed performed as scheduled. The band cited a vague “medical concern” as the reason, disappointing nearly 200 fans in black t-shirts. Matt sarcastically questioned whether a band named Anthrax should be allowed to cancel due to medical concerns like a fever or flu, suggesting they’d given up that privilege when they chose their name.

Ozzy Osbourne surprised fans at the Commonwealth Games closing ceremony in England, performing “Paranoid” with Tony Iommi. This marked the first time the metal icon had performed with his Black Sabbath bandmate since their final show in February 2017, and Ozzy’s first live performance in nearly three years following major neck surgery earlier in the summer. Matt made jokes about Ozzy being wheeled onstage and controlled by puppet strings, then celebrated backstage with “room temperature pudding,” quipping “he’d be so excited if he knew he was alive.”

Olivia Newton-John’s death was also discussed extensively before the rock news segment, with Matt providing a detailed career overview including her country crossover success, Grammy wins, and massive hits from Grease and “Physical,” though this was not technically part of Bob’s Rock and Roll News.

Bands talked about during Bob’s rock and roll news segment

• Iron Maiden
• Megadeth
• Burning Witches
• Dropkick Murphys
• Pink Floyd (Roger Waters)
• Anthrax
• Black Label Society
• Hatebreed
• Black Sabbath
• Olivia Newton-John (discussed before rock news segment)

3 paragraph summary of this portion of the show – excluding Bob’s Rock and Roll news

The show opened with Matt Bearden and Chewie Eldorette filling in for Bob Fonseca, immediately diving into humorous banter about Chewie house-sitting at Matt’s place and making love there. The conversation meandered through various topics including what TV shows different genders prefer (Gilmore Girls versus Mecum Auto Auctions and Three Stooges), Matt’s fascination with buying cheap old farmhouses in small towns to fix up, and Chewie’s upbringing watching “ladies’ shows” like Alice and Golden Girls with his single mother. The casual, irreverent tone was established early with discussions about natural hair oils, smoking weed, and eating Matt’s snacks while house-sitting.

The show featured several “Nods to the Odd” news segments covering bizarre stories. These included a Japanese man who lost his $47,000 Rolex when a potential buyer asked him to get tea from a convenience store and then fled with the watch, a co-pilot who mysteriously jumped from a plane with an unopened parachute during an emergency landing, and a party in Washington where someone drove an SUV into the backyard doing donuts before pinning a guest against the garage. The hosts also discussed declining gas prices, airplane rage incidents, and people generally losing their minds in the summer heat. Matt shared a disturbing party story from his youth involving an older boyfriend of a friend’s mom threatening partygoers with a knife after misunderstanding slam dancing.

Comedian Chris Tellas joined as a guest host, arriving smelling strongly of cocoa butter lotion, which Matt compared to how strippers smell when they visit the studio. Chris discussed waking up early for the show (around 6 AM) and being surprised at how productive his day was yesterday, though he admitted he’d probably return to waking at noon the next day. The hosts debated breakfast options but discovered Matt had forgotten to bring the promised empanadas, leading to discussions about tipping mailmen and eventually addressing serious local news about Austin’s overcrowded animal shelters potentially ending their no-kill policy. Matt advocated for adopting older dogs, sharing that his family has adopted three senior dogs who came pre-trained and appreciative.

⏰ Second Hour Analysis ⏰

Analysis of Matt & Bob Show Transcript (Second Third)

Food items/restaurants talked about

• Wendy’s $5 Biggie Bags (54:17-55:14) – Discussion of three varieties: double stack biggie bag, junior bacon cheeseburger biggie bag, and crispy chicken BLT biggie bag
• Migas tacos (58:29-58:35) – Chris eating them during the show
• Hot Fudge Sundaes at Dairy Queen (50:08-50:28) – Bob mentioned destroying them lately
• Amy’s ice cream (48:24-49:46) – Discussion about Austin’s ice cream scene and Amy’s business model
• Brahms (49:28-49:46) – Ice cream and burger restaurant from Dallas that Chris wishes was in Austin
• Cold Stone Creamery (49:27-49:33) – Mentioned as being too sweet
• Blue Bell ice cream (49:35-49:40) – Referenced in comparison to Brahms
• Sandy’s and Andy’s Frozen Custard (49:52-50:00) – Discussion about local vs. chain frozen custard shops

News stories talked about during this portion

• Austin Animal Shelter Crisis (42:12-42:52) – Shelters are overcrowded and understaffed due to continued city growth and employment shortages
• Employment/Jobs Report (42:43-44:01) – Unemployment at 3.5%, lowest the country has seen; discussion of inflation being partly driven by higher employment and wages
• Austin ISD Teacher Shortage (44:10-46:09) – School starts Monday but AISD doesn’t have enough teachers; may use gym coaches and substitutes; single teachers can’t afford to live in Austin on $40,000/year salary
• Housing Affordability in Austin (46:22-46:56) – Anyone making under $90,000/year is considered “housing stressed” in Austin
• Austin ranked #8 for best ice cream cities (48:04-49:46) – Almost five ice cream shops per 100,000 people with better prices than other cities
• Marijuana legalization surrounding Texas (52:08-52:52) – All four states bordering Texas have some form of legalized weed (medicinal or recreational)

Interesting facts shared during this portion

• 28.3 grams in an ounce (51:20-51:37) – Weed trivia answer
• 42% of time should be spent resting (01:16:01-01:16:43) – Science says body and mind need 42% of time (about 10 hours per day including sleep) resting
• Ice cream profit margins (49:47-49:56) – Amy’s ice cream makes very little money on actual ice cream; profits come from sodas and other items

Toxic Tuesday segment

Topic: Male dating behaviors and online dating profiles

Timestamp: 55:39-01:15:00

Hosts’ Take:

The segment featured discussion of a post by someone named Kyle who questioned whether women actually orgasm, claiming there’s no physiological evidence and suggesting women might be faking due to societal pressure. The hosts were incredulous, with Matt interpreting this as Kyle essentially admitting he’s never given a woman an orgasm.

The main discussion centered on dating profile mistakes men make:

• Fish pictures – The most debated topic. Women generally say they don’t want to see men holding fish, but caller Catherine defended them, saying she likes seeing men who are providers and “men’s men”
• Screenshot everything – Chewy emphasized that men should assume any DM will be screenshotted and shared with friends
• Being authentic vs. performing – Discussion about whether to present your true self or try to appeal to what you think women want

Callers Catherine and Cathy provided opposing viewpoints – Catherine liked traditional masculine displays like fishing, while Cathy (animal rescuer) didn’t want to see men killing anything.

Phone callers this portion

Catherine (01:02:35-01:05:46, 01:08:18-01:09:57) – Called to defend fish pictures in dating profiles, said she appreciates traditional masculine men who can provide, mentioned she likes the Red Pill documentary

Cathy (01:08:23-01:10:19) – Called with opposite view, rescues animals and doesn’t want to see men killing anything in profile pictures; wants to see men with well-cared-for pets

Recurring jokes or gags

• San Antonio fat jokes (46:51-47:47) – Matt makes fun of San Antonio being a “fatter city” with jokes about “double extra-large t-shirts with Warner Brothers cartoon figures” and “remember the Alamo more like remember the rolls”
• Chris being single at 30 (01:11:31-01:15:00) – Running jokes about Chris’s dating struggles and inability to buy a house
• LOL overuse (01:01:41-01:02:01) – Chewy and Chris both admitting they say “lol” too much in texts when nervous

“This or That” segment (Weed Trivia)

Who was being asked: Chris and Chewy competed against each other

Timestamp: 50:32-55:14

Questions and Answers:

• How many grams in an ounce? (closest without going over)
• Chewy: 28 (correct – actual answer 28.3)
• Chris: 25

• How many states bordering Texas have legalized weed? (closest without going over)
• Chris: 1
• Chewy: 3 (correct answer was 4 – all surrounding states)

• Name two types of crime levels for marijuana possession in Texas
• Chewy: Indica sativa (incorrect – misunderstood question)
• Chris: “DWH – driving while high” (incorrect but funny)
• Correct answer: Misdemeanor and Felony

• Name two of three $5 biggie bags at Wendy’s
• Chewy: Named parts correctly but couldn’t name second bag type
• Chris: Admitted he didn’t know
• Correct answers: Double stack, junior bacon cheeseburger, crispy chicken BLT

Outcome: Matt jokingly took away all of Chewy’s points for a roach joke and awarded the prize to Chris who got zero correct.

Funny or memorable quotes

• “I was with a dealer of pots when I named her” (41:57-42:02) – Someone explaining their dog’s name “Sewer Pipe”
• “Remember the Alamo more like remember the rolls” (47:14-47:17) – Matt’s San Antonio fat joke
• “There is no conclusive physiological evidence of it [women’s orgasms]” (57:18-57:34) – Kyle’s post that started Toxic Tuesday
• “Face down, ass up, LOL” (01:01:53-01:01:56) – Joke about inappropriate DMs with nervous “lol” added
• “I harbor resentment toward women who speak on behalf of all women” (01:03:03-01:03:12) – Caller Catherine’s opening statement
• “Why would you try to… You shouldn’t try to make your dating profile for anyone else other than the woman that you’re trying to attract” (01:06:06-01:06:18) – Catherine’s advice
• “You gotta take him outside. Put a cup over him, slide a piece of paper under that and take him out” (01:10:00-01:10:07) – Cathy giving spider rescue instructions
• “If I climb Everest and I die, no one’s upset at Everest” (01:09:23-01:09:26) – Chewy’s justification for killing the spider
• “I killed an ant ten years ago and my buddy Falcon never lets me forget about it” (01:10:28-01:10:33) – Chris’s story
• “I will date anybody so please set me up ten fingers ten toes not a deal breaker” (01:14:40-01:14:51) – Chris being desperate
• “I have a chipped tooth, so I don’t want our teeth to get all locked up when we’re necking or whatever” (01:15:14-01:15:20) – Chris on dating someone with dental issues
• “Chicks dig the bachelor pad, is what I tell myself” (01:18:30-01:18:32) – Chris on never affording a house

Five Paragraph Summary

This middle section of the show covered a wide range of topics from serious local issues to lighthearted dating advice. The hosts discussed Austin’s growing pains, including overcrowded animal shelters, a severe teacher shortage at Austin ISD, and housing affordability problems. Matt explained how the paradox of low unemployment (3.5%) contributing to inflation, noting that people making under $90,000 in Austin are considered “housing stressed.” The teacher shortage was particularly concerning with school starting Monday and AISD having to rely on substitutes and gym coaches because single teachers earning $40,000 annually can’t afford to live in the city.

The show lightened up with a discussion about Austin ranking #8 for best ice cream cities in America, with nearly five ice cream shops per 100,000 people. This led to a conversation about Amy’s ice cream and various frozen dessert options around Austin, including Sandy’s and Andy’s frozen custard. The hosts also touched on marijuana legalization, noting that all four states surrounding Texas have some form of legal weed while Texas remains restrictive.

A highlight of this segment was the weed trivia game between Chris and Chewy, which included questions about gram measurements, border state legalization, and hilariously, Wendy’s $5 Biggie Bag options. The game was intentionally absurd, mixing marijuana knowledge with fast food trivia. Chewy initially led but Matt jokingly stripped his points away, awarding victory to Chris who answered everything incorrectly. The segment showcased the show’s ability to blend stoner humor with actual information.

The Toxic Tuesday segment dominated much of this portion, sparked by a viral post from someone named Kyle questioning whether women actually orgasm. The hosts were unanimous in mocking Kyle’s assertion, interpreting it as an admission that he’d never satisfied a woman. This led to a broader discussion about male dating behaviors, particularly the controversial practice of including fish pictures in dating profiles. The hosts noted that while women consistently say they don’t want to see these photos, men continue posting them.

The segment was elevated by calls from two women with opposing views. Catherine passionately defended fish pictures, explaining she finds them attractive because they signal a traditional, providing masculine man who can “get things done.” In contrast, Cathy, an animal rescuer, said she never wants to see men posing with dead animals. The debate highlighted how diverse women’s preferences actually are and validated the hosts’ ultimate advice: be authentic in your profile rather than trying to appeal to everyone. The segment wrapped with discussions about relaxation (science says 42% of your day should be rest), Chris and Chewy’s dating struggles, and the psychological games people play in modern dating.

🕐 Third Hour Analysis 🕐

Analysis of Matt & Bob Show (Last Third – 08-09-2022)

Food or restaurants talked about during this portion:

• Tacos mentioned by a guest around 01:23:44
• Caller discussing seafood eating in Cabo (01:43:57-01:44:16)
• Discussion about tequila at markets in Cabo (01:43:57-01:44:16)
• Chick-fil-a mentioned in context of job pay comparison (01:31:10)
• Reference to PB&J sandwiches (01:31:16)
• Multiple references to grocery stores in context of presidents being out of touch (01:33:00-01:34:00)

News stories talked about during this portion:

• Sleep study showing brains not meant to be awake after midnight (01:22:32-01:25:00). Study indicates staying up late correlates with weight gain, depression, insomnia, impulsive behavior, drinking, overeating, gambling, and criminal activity
• Westlake family job posting seeking private chef for $38,000/year went viral on Reddit Austin (01:26:00-01:38:00). Position required cooking three meals daily, gardening, teaching kids, traveling, working weekends, and household projects during family vacations
• FBI executed search warrant at Mar-a-Lago in connection with government documents (01:55:28-01:58:00)
• Alex Jones’ texts were sent to January 6th investigation, with footage showing him realizing he was caught for perjury (01:58:01)

Any interesting facts shared during this portion:

• President George H.W. Bush was amazed by grocery store barcode scanners during his presidency, having not been to a grocery store in so long (01:33:07-01:33:57)
• Trump thought you needed an ID to buy groceries (01:34:23)
• You can put any name you want on your caller ID by calling your phone company (01:39:09)
• Credit card companies will give you a second card with any name you want on it (01:39:42)
• Professional chefs said minimum salary for the described Westlake position would be $100,000/year (01:32:06)
• America has a declining average lifespan while most modern countries are increasing (01:51:23)

Any memorable moments during this portion:

• Discussion of roommate who brought home a woman with a mustache (01:21:46-01:22:26)
• Matt’s impromptu Eminem rap performance of “Lose Yourself” (01:48:44-01:48:59)
• Caller “Luis” (actually named Drake) getting frustrated about being called the wrong name (01:36:39-01:38:28)
• Story about woman who set her caller ID to “Tyra Banks” because “it gets stuff done” (01:39:21)
• Discussion of comedian having credit card that said “Jesus H. Christ” (01:39:42-01:40:02)

Any callers this portion:

• Caller discussing math education gaps of roommate’s girlfriend (01:21:02-01:22:03)
• Drake/Luis calling about applying for the Westlake chef job just to find out who posted it (01:36:39-01:38:28)
• Kip discussing valet/personal assistant work and pay rates of $30-35/hour (01:40:02-01:42:52)
• Sherman calling from Cabo vacation (01:43:00-01:44:40)
• Caller during break discussing stress levels between teaching and pool cleaning (referenced at 01:46:22)

Five Paragraph Summary:

The show began with discussions about sleep patterns and a study indicating human brains aren’t meant to be awake after midnight. The hosts explored how staying up late correlates with various negative behaviors including weight gain, depression, and poor decision-making. Guest Chris Tellez admitted to staying up until 3am that morning despite having to be at the studio by 7:15am, attributing his drowsiness more to tacos than lack of sleep. The conversation revealed different approaches to sleep among the hosts, with Bob consistently sleeping by 11pm while Chris struggles with an internal “party animal” from years of nightlife.

The major discussion centered on a viral Reddit post from a Westlake family seeking a private chef for only $38,000 per year. The position required cooking three meals daily for a family of four, maintaining a garden, teaching cooking lessons to children, creating menus, doing household errands, working occasional weekends, and even painting during family vacations. The hosts calculated this worked out to roughly $18/hour before taxes. Professional chefs who responded to the posting online said the minimum acceptable salary would be $100,000 annually, with the job requirements being vastly undercompensated.

The conversation evolved into broader themes about wealth inequality and being out of touch with working-class reality. The hosts compared the situation to historical examples of wealthy people disconnected from everyday life, including President George H.W. Bush being amazed by grocery store barcode scanners and Trump thinking you need ID to buy groceries. They theorized the family posting the job might be “regular rich” people trying to live like the “super rich” without understanding the true costs. Multiple callers weighed in, including one who had done similar personal assistant work for $30-35/hour years ago.

Chris Tellez shared his perspective on work-life balance, discussing how he left higher-paying jobs for peace of mind and hasn’t had traditional employment since the pandemic. The hosts explored themes of the American Dream shifting from meeting needs to meeting wants, and how this drives people into miserable situations. Matt reflected on how having children changed his perspective, leading him to work multiple jobs simultaneously despite previously being “the master of doing much less than what was required.” They discussed how kids create responsibility that fundamentally alters priorities and work ethic.

The show concluded with breaking news that the FBI had executed a search warrant at Mar-a-Lago regarding government documents, and that Alex Jones’ texts were being sent to the January 6th investigation. Matt predicted this would create entertaining social media battles between hypocrites on both sides of the political spectrum. Chris promoted his upcoming comedy album recording at Cap City Comedy Club on September 9th and 10th. The segment ended with Chris doing a brief intro for a song by Trap, demonstrating the casual, friendly atmosphere that characterized the entire portion of the show.