Dudley and Bob with Matt — 93.7 KLBJ-FM, Austin — Tuesday, April 28, 2015
This Show
Part 1: Gloomy Tuesday
Dale opens with news about Baltimore riots, a social media drug solicitation, and Bobby Bones writing a memoir. The main topic is listener outrage: a caller complained yesterday that Dale, Bob, and Matt went ‘too far’ when discussing Matt’s feral kittens, saying her children were in the car. The hosts debate sarcasm, offense culture, and what crosses the line. They take calls asking what could offend listeners, and the consensus is: not much. The segment also covers Star Flight paramedic Kristin McLain’s death, Johnny Depp’s upcoming Whitey Bulger film, and the upcoming film festival.
Segments
- Show Open [00:00:00] — Bob Fonseca delivers the daily introduction, listing the cast and sponsors.
- Baltimore Riots and Drug Solicitation [00:01:49] — Dale announces Baltimore has called in the National Guard due to riots, then shares a bizarre story about someone trying to buy prescription drugs from him via Facebook.
- Bobby Bones Memoir Announcement [00:03:33] — Dale reads that Bobby Bones signed a deal with HarperCollins to write a memoir. Dale and the crew mock the idea, questioning whether a 30-something syndicated host has enough life experience for a memoir.
- Star Flight Paramedic Death [00:09:37] — Dale pays respects to Star Flight paramedic Kristin McLain, who died in a helicopter accident. He offers condolences to first responders and EMS workers.
- Yesterday’s Complaint Call [00:14:00] — Dale explains that a listener called yesterday saying her kids were in the car and the show went ‘too far’ discussing Matt’s feral kittens sarcastically. The hosts debate whether sarcasm about animal cruelty is offensive.
- Matt’s Feral Kitten Story [00:16:50] — Matt explains he has feral kittens in his shed, he’s trying to save them, but his family got attached. He sarcastically joked about killing them to illustrate the absurdity of the complaint.
- Matt’s Daughter and Sarcasm Lesson [00:22:30] — Matt recounts teaching his five-year-old daughter the difference between sarcasm and reality, using the kittens as an example. She understood the joke and called Dale ‘really sweet.’
- Caller Segment: What Offends You? [00:27:00] — Dale asks listeners to call in with what would offend them. Most callers say nothing offends them, one mentions religion briefly, and another says it offends him when Dale complains no one calls.
- Rockdale Rigor Call [00:33:43] — Long-time listener ‘Rockdale Rigor’ says Dale has become too apologetic in recent years. Dale responds that post-Janet Jackson, radio stations became fearful of complaints and social media backlash.
- Perfume from Dead Relatives [00:40:33] — Dale reads a story about a French company creating custom perfume that smells like deceased loved ones, extracted from their clothing. The hosts joke about what Carissa’s perfume would smell like (cigarettes).
- Carissa’s Smoking Habit [00:42:50] — Dale and Matt gently needle Carissa about smoking, warning her it will age her face prematurely. Carissa says people online call her ugly whenever this topic comes up.
- Johnny Depp as Whitey Bulger [00:45:10] — Dale predicts Johnny Depp will win an Oscar for playing mobster Whitey Bulger. They watch a trailer clip and debate Depp’s best films.
- Film Festival Details [00:47:40] — Dale promotes the June 24th film festival at Alamo Drafthouse, announces $6,000 first prize plus four $1,000 category prizes, and thanks sponsors.
Callers
- unnamed [00:28:13] — What could offend the caller; mentioned religion once changed the channel Caller admitted nothing really offends them, just changed channel once. Praised the kittens.
- unnamed [00:32:21] — Said it offends him when Dale complains no one is calling Light-hearted complaint about Dale’s on-air paranoia. Dale joked his paranoia keeps him going.
- Rockdale Rigor (Rockdale, Texas) (regular) [00:33:43] — Dale has become too apologetic; used to be harder-edged Led to discussion about how radio stations became fearful of complaints after Janet Jackson incident. Respectful exchange.
- unnamed [00:37:18] — Caller with kids; has to turn down Stern’s porn sound effects but not offended Validated that turning the channel is different from being offended. Brief, supportive call.
- unnamed [00:38:23] — Nothing offends them in 25 years of listening Called Dale a ‘dumbass a couple of times’ but no real offense. Lighthearted, mutual ribbing.
Quotes
I really can’t be committing felonies via Facebook.
Dale Dudley [00:02:55]
It’s so tiresome being your co-parent, listeners.
Dale Dudley [00:14:11]
Sarcasm is offensive now?
Dale Dudley [00:18:42]
We’re not responsible for your feelings.
Dale Dudley [00:20:58]
You’re being sarcastic, right?
Matt Bearden [00:25:00]
Part 2: The Legend of the Bluebonnet
The show discusses listener complaints about offensive content with kids in the car, Dale’s wife obsessively repairing their sold house, and Carissa’s smoking. They dive into an Air Supply ‘wormhole,’ play Pat Robertson clips condemning homosexuality and recommending conversion camps, and cover conspiracy theorists protesting military training exercises (Jade Helm 15) in Bastrop. The segment ends with a confused attempt to recall the story behind Texas bluebonnets and Indian paintbrushes.
Segments
- Listener Complaints and Producer Pushback [00:00:00] — Dale addresses listener complaints about offensive content with kids in the car. Daniel defends Carissa’s smoking, leading Dale to worry they’re walking on eggshells with the producers. Dale vents about his wife obsessively repairing their already-sold house.
- Greg the Handyman Calls In [00:11:00] — Greg, a listener who does handwork for Dale’s wife, calls to apologize for accidentally staining the garage door while power-washing a bird’s nest. Dale insists he’s not upset but frustrated his wife is fixing things unnecessarily.
- Air Supply Wormhole [00:12:22] — Dale triggers an extended Air Supply music segment, playing multiple soft rock hits from the 1980s. Matt recalls his mother driving around crying to Air Supply during her divorce. The hosts mock the band’s effeminate sound and impossible romantic lyrics.
- Five Mile App and Performance Review Anxiety [00:19:45] — Dale discusses selling items on the Five Mile app and reveals it’s performance review day at the station. He’s anxious about ratings being down and not getting bonuses, leading to existential worries about the show’s future.
- Show Quality Debate [00:25:00] — Dale declares the show is ‘sucking ass’ today. Matt pushes back, arguing they’ve had good bits and calls. Dale admits he’s frustrated with technology and stressed about the performance review.
- Bob’s Corvette and Plastic Dip [00:28:00] — Bob announces he’s selling his Corvette for $10,000 and looking for someone to plastic-dip his Challenger wheels. Matt asks to borrow the Corvette; Bob deflects with a childhood excuse about his dad not letting anyone drive it.
- Bruce Jenner Vine and Spring Alligator Attack [00:29:00] — Dale plays a dubbed Vine of Bruce Jenner telling Kim Kardashian he won’t be needing something (implying genitals). They then watch video of guys at a crawfish boil in Spring, Texas getting attacked by an alligator they were taunting.
- Prescription Drug Request Drama [00:31:00] — Dale reveals someone messaged him on social media asking to buy prescription drugs, then got passive-aggressive when refused. Matt attempts an intervention-style talk, warning Dale about making poor decisions while coming off opiates.
- Pat Robertson on Homosexuality [00:36:00] — The show plays Pat Robertson clips responding to letters about homosexuality. Robertson calls it a ‘habitual’ behavior, advises a woman whose husband cheated with a man to forgive him if it was just once while drunk, and recommends sending a lesbian daughter to a Christian camp to ‘straighten out.’
- Jade Helm 15 Conspiracy Theories [00:42:00] — Dale plays news coverage of Bastrop County residents protesting Operation Jade Helm 15, military training exercises on private property. Conspiracy theorists worry about martial law and FEMA camps. The hosts mock the paranoia, noting these same people likely had ‘Support Our Troops’ ribbons in 2003.
- The Legend of the Bluebonnet (Sort Of) [00:52:00] — Carissa and Daniel attempt to recall the Texas children’s story about bluebonnets and Indian paintbrushes. Neither can tell it coherently. They also bungle retellings of ‘The Princess and the Pea’ and ‘The Emperor’s New Clothes,’ leading to confusion about fairy tale morals.
Callers
- Greg (regular) [00:10:40] — Called to apologize for accidentally staining Dale’s garage door while power-washing Dale reassured him he’s not mad, but used it as another example of his wife over-fixing the house
- Ed (Moved to Austin in 2012) [00:33:12] — Called to support the show on performance review day, saying he listens every day and loves it Dale joked about playing the call for his boss during the review
- Lee [00:43:49] — Commented that Pat Robertson’s bigoted rhetoric gets great ratings while Dale would be vilified for the same language Dale agreed their ratings are strong with the 60+ demographic, sparking jokes about building a base around people near death
Music
- Air Supply — Multiple songs played during extended ‘wormhole’: Lost in Love, All Out of Love, Here I Am, Even the Nights Are Better, Every Woman in the World
Quotes
If you keep doing what you’re doing, it’s gonna have the reverse effect.
Daniel Gallo [00:01:45]
All out of love, lost in love, making love out of nothing at all.
Dale Dudley [00:16:02]
I think the show’s sucking ass today.
Dale Dudley [00:25:00]
If he’s a habitual homosexual, by all means take a hike.
Pat Robertson (via clip) [00:38:30]
Lesbian this and lesbian the other, so much homosexual.
Pat Robertson (via clip) [00:41:36]
How many of these people had yellow ribbons on their car in 2003?
Dale Dudley [00:45:44]
Part 3: Things We Can’t Fix
The show opens with confusion over children’s fairy tale morals, with Carissa completely misunderstanding ‘The Emperor’s New Clothes.’ This spirals into broader miscommunication and distraction. The middle segment features a kindergarten assembly disrupted by a man yelling ‘English only, USA!’ and discussion of Jade Helm conspiracy theories from West Texas news. The final major segment focuses on things people tried to repair but destroyed in anger instead, generating passionate calls from listeners about smashed lawnmowers, screen doors, windshields, and more.
Segments
- Opening / Film Festival Promo [00:00:01] — Dale opens the show and promotes the upcoming film festival with $10,000 in prizes, submission deadline June 12th.
- Fairy Tale Story Time [00:03:20] — Discussion of children’s story morals continues from earlier. Carissa believes ‘The Emperor’s New Clothes’ is about body confidence and feeling good about yourself, completely missing the actual moral about going along with obvious lies.
- Kindergarten English-Only Protest [00:11:04] — Dale plays video of a man disrupting a kindergarten assembly by yelling ‘English only, USA!’ when children begin singing in Spanish. The hosts are appalled.
- Jade Helm Conspiracy / West Texas News [00:15:36] — Discussion of Jade Helm 15 military exercise conspiracy theories, featuring news coverage from Odessa. The hosts do extended West Texas accent impressions.
- Baby Foreskin Facial Cream [00:25:47] — Dale discusses Hydrafacial, a facial treatment endorsed by Oprah that uses baby foreskin cells to fight aging.
- Robocall Prank [00:28:02] — Dale receives a robocall from an AI using pre-recorded audio. He asks it inappropriate questions until it hangs up.
- Things We Can’t Fix – Screen Door Video [00:32:00] — Bob shows video of a man attempting to repair a sliding screen door, getting increasingly frustrated, and eventually destroying it completely by folding it and throwing it. This launches the main segment.
- Things We Can’t Fix – Listener Calls [00:36:25] — Extended segment with multiple callers sharing stories of things they tried to repair but destroyed in anger instead: weed whackers, lawnmowers, headphones, car hoods, windshields, and more.
Callers
- Alicia [00:03:06] — Called to partially correct Carissa’s understanding of ‘The Emperor’s New Clothes’ but Dale cuts her off to preserve the bit Dale tells her to ‘hush your mouth’ to not ruin the comedy of Carissa being wrong
- unnamed [00:09:00] — Suggests Dale should write a martini manual and cocktail guide like Bobby Bones’ memoir Brief joke about Bobby Bones doing a memoir
- Josh [00:40:49] — On steroids for poison ivy, got enraged trying to get flip-flops from a shelf, threatened to burn the house down Hosts relate to the bending-over-rage phenomenon
- Christian [00:43:53] — Kids left dome light on in S10 pickup, battery died, hood cable broke when he tried to open it, he destroyed the quarter panel in rage His passenger calmly opened the hood while Christian was freaking out
- Mike [00:45:55] — Does home improvement, put up an entire wall then had to tear it down because the electrical was wrong Brief sympathy from hosts
- Joel [00:46:42] — Windshield wiper stuck, girlfriend said to calm down, he punched the windshield and shattered it, had to call his dad to pay for it His dad knew immediately it wasn’t a rock that hit it
- unnamed [00:48:35] — Destroyed a weed whacker in the middle of the street during neighbor’s yard sale, drove off to Home Depot Matt invites him to the Bearden family weed whacker destruction party
- Jamie [00:38:19] — Her husband was fixing a light fixture above the sink, she told him to walk away, he punched his fist through the sink Had to buy a new sink and light fixture
- Kristen [00:48:36] — Tried to set up a pack and play for her daughter, couldn’t get it to snap together, almost threw it in the street Friend finally told her what to do
- Jeremy [00:51:17] — In Afghanistan 2002, tried to repair something in a gate shack, got frustrated and burned the whole thing down, had to rebuild it On his way to VA psychiatrist after the call, thanks Dale for his service
- Jonathan [00:52:46] — As kids, he and his sister broke the door jamb roughhousing, tried to fix it with Elmer’s glue and crayons Dale cuts him off for going off-topic from the anger theme
- John [00:54:18] — Was hanging a rope swing, 18-foot extension ladder jammed, he destroyed the aluminum ladder and took it to recycling Got odd looks at the recycling center
Quotes
It’s about believing in yourself even if you’re not wearing clothes.
Carissa Jade [00:04:39]
Well it’s also about body confidence.
Carissa Jade [00:08:41]
Can you imagine I’d be in jail for assault? I’d knock the crap out of that dude.
Dale Dudley [00:15:01]
It’s never about what you’re repairing. It’s about something else. It builds up.
Dale Dudley [00:41:42]
It’s about how we’re born alone and we die alone and there’s nothing that can help.
Bob Fonseca [00:43:01]