Dudley and Bob with Matt — 93.7 KLBJ-FM, Austin — Tuesday, March 28, 2017
This Show
Part 1: Carissa’s Rash
The show opens with Dale complaining about traffic and discussing Carissa’s severe rash that started in her ‘butt crack’ and has spread all over her body. Dale brought her prescription-strength hydrocortisone and the hosts joke about her applying it in the kitchen. The bulk of the segment involves Dale critiquing the show prep group’s submissions, explaining what makes good vs. bad show prep while Bob tries to defend the preppers. They also watch and mock a viral video of Irish musicians playing bottles (the ‘Bottle Boys’), which infuriates Matt. The segment ends with discussion of a Virginia man charged with animal cruelty for shooting his sick dog at a beach, which makes Carissa cry thinking about her own dog’s recent pancreatitis.
Segments
- Show open and traffic complaints [00:00:16] — Opening credits and Dale complaining about the difficult turn from 183 to I-35, discussing the dangerous merge lanes near the studio.
- Carissa’s rash [00:03:19] — Dale asks about Carissa’s rash and gives her prescription hydrocortisone. She reveals it’s everywhere including her ‘butt crack’ and the hosts discuss her unusual anatomy (she has a hole/divot at the top of her butt crack, similar to Sean Spicer’s unusual frenulum).
- Hurricane Carissa and grass exposure [00:10:54] — Bob reveals Carissa’s childhood nickname was ‘Hurricane Carissa.’ They discuss how she got the rash from sitting in grass during a photo shoot for the toy designer she works for, and recall a previous similar rash incident.
- Dale’s anniversary and ring shopping [00:14:56] — Dale complains about his wife texting him during the show about picking out her own anniversary ring, ruining any surprise.
- Daughter’s zoo trip [00:16:14] — Dale tells a story about taking his daughter to the Austin Zoo where she told a nesting chicken to ‘push it out sister.’
- Drinking health benefits study [00:22:34] — Discussion of a BMJ study showing moderate drinking (a daily pint) reduces heart attack risk by a third, contradicting UK government advice.
- The Bottle Boys [00:24:44] — Dale plays a viral video of Irish musicians (the Bottle Boys) playing Michael Jackson’s ‘Beat It’ on bottles. Matt is furious and calls it terrible while Dale and Bob enjoy it. They watch multiple songs including ‘Billie Jean.’
- Show prep critique [00:25:21] — Dale and Bob go through the show prep Facebook group, critiquing submissions. Dale explains what works (local, quick, phone topics) vs. what doesn’t (long-form articles, fantasy/fandom content, things from other cities). Bob suggests using a proper prep format with two-sentence summaries.
- Virginia man shoots dog [00:38:52] — Discussion of a Virginia man charged with animal cruelty for shooting his suffering 15-year-old dog and burying it at a public beach. A jogger found the paw sticking out of the sand. The hosts debate whether it should be legal to put down your own pet. Carissa starts crying thinking about having to do this to her dog.
- Carissa’s dog has pancreatitis [00:44:41] — Carissa reveals her dog Stevie suffered from pancreatitis over the weekend. The hosts suggest she may have caused it by feeding the dog table scraps like chicken and beef jerky.
Quotes
It’s in my butt crack
Carissa Jade [00:03:49]
I couldn’t get it in my vaginas
Carissa Jade [00:09:54]
I’ve never thought about suicide so much as I have in the last 6 hours
Carissa Jade [00:12:18]
My daughter goes look she’s laying an egg push it out sister
Dale Dudley [00:16:14]
When you raise your children and tell them you can be anything you want to be this is the danger
Bob Fonseca [00:33:25]
Part 2: TSA
The hosts watch and debate a viral video of TSA agents conducting an extensive pat-down of a 12-year-old boy at DFW airport. Dale finds the search excessive and inappropriate for a child in shorts and a t-shirt, while Bob suggests there may be more to the story than what the video shows. They also briefly discuss the recent United Airlines leggings controversy, with Bob arguing people often react without full information.
Segments
- TSA Pat-Down Video [00:01:49] — The hosts watch a viral video of TSA agents conducting a thorough pat-down of a 12-year-old boy at DFW airport, with the mother claiming her son was traumatized.
- United Airlines Leggings Story [00:05:05] — Bob compares the TSA video to the recent United Airlines controversy over girls wearing leggings, suggesting both involve people reacting without full context.
Quotes
I’ve never had a guy rub, take his hand and meat saw my crotch.
Dale Dudley [00:04:33]
Part 3: Alexa
The show spends most of this part exploring the Amazon Alexa device that Dale brought in, testing various commands including a custom ‘Daniel’s Brain’ skill created by listener Richard Goodwin that plays Daniel’s random musings. The hosts experiment with Alexa commands, accidentally order items, and turn it into extended comedy. Later segments include Fast Food Fanatic with food videos, discussion of Orangetheory Fitness (which Dale’s wife has joined), Dale’s childhood abuse stories involving liver, and various promotional elements.
Segments
- Computer and Technical Setup [00:00:01] — The show opens with Matt helping someone with computer display mirroring issues, typical morning technical difficulties in the new studio setup.
- TSA Pat-Down Discussion [00:01:51] — The hosts reference an ongoing discussion about a 12-year-old being patted down by TSA, with Matt suspecting there’s more to the story and Daniel mentioning a former TSA agent at the station.
- Good Luck to Dale’s Son [00:02:12] — Dale’s wife wants him to wish their son good luck on the STAR test, leading to jokes about grades not mattering and alternative career paths.
- Alexa Introduction [00:05:01] — Dale attempts to demonstrate the Amazon Alexa device, starting with turning on ‘Daniel’s Brain’ which becomes the segment’s focus.
- Daniel’s Brain Alexa Skill [00:05:54] — The hosts successfully activate a custom Alexa skill created by Richard Goodwin that plays random Daniel quotes and facts. They go through dozens of Daniel’s bizarre statements.
- Extended Alexa Experimentation [00:11:13] — The cast continues testing Alexa with various commands including news queries, weather, trivia questions, and accidentally ordering Badger’s salve.
- Justice for Brad’s Wife [00:18:33] — Dale discusses the viral Cracker Barrel story about Brad demanding to know why his wife Nanette was fired after 11 years, which became a social media phenomenon.
- HEB Water Burger in Hutto [00:21:26] — Discussion of the new hybrid HEB convenience store with Water Burger location in Hutto, with debate about whether it’s a full store or gas station setup.
- Fast Food Fanatic – Bacon Jalapeño Taco Poppers [00:28:00] — The hosts watch a video showing how to make jalapeño poppers using the jalapeño as a taco shell, filled with taco meat, cream cheese, and wrapped in bacon.
- Sushi Donut Discussion [00:29:53] — Brief discussion of sushi shaped like a donut with rice formed in a ring and various toppings.
- Daniel’s Caviar Experience [00:30:26] — Daniel reports on trying caviar for the first time at Russia House, though confusion arises about whether he’s actually had real black caviar versus fish roe on sushi.
- 94-Year-Old McDonald’s Worker [00:31:19] — Dale discusses Lorraine Mara who has worked at McDonald’s for 44 years at age 94, leading to Bob’s controversial comments about why she never became a manager.
- Carissa’s Relationship Status [00:33:03] — The hosts discuss Carissa’s relationship and whether she should bring up marriage, with her admitting she’s learned not to press those questions after past mistakes.
- Orangetheory Fitness Discussion [00:34:56] — Extended discussion about Dale’s wife joining Orangetheory Fitness gym, her results, the cost (ranging from $59-$159/month), and Bob being invited to go with Dale’s wife Michael.
- Wendy’s Frosty and French Fries [00:43:03] — Dale reads an article about the science behind why people dip french fries in Wendy’s Frosties, which boils down to the salty-sweet combination.
- Dale’s Childhood Abuse – Liver Story [00:45:03] — Dale adds another childhood trauma story: his mother would cook liver and tell the kids it was chopped steak, which he describes as abuse.
- Texas Town Pronunciations [00:47:14] — Daniel discusses how Texas towns with foreign names are often pronounced differently than their namesakes, like Palestine and Iran, Texas.
- Bottle Boys Video [00:49:14] — The hosts watch another Bottle Boys music video with commentary, with Matt joking about wanting to see outtakes and making crude jokes about Carissa.
- Punch Comedy Show Promo [00:50:56] — Matt promotes the season 17 finale of his Punch comedy show at Fallout Theater with LaShonda Lester and Chris Cubis.
- Blue Apron Top Chef Meal [00:52:06] — Dale mentions trying a Top Chef dish from Blue Apron meal service that was incredible, possibly pork.
Recurring Bits
- Fast Food Fanatic [00:18:15] — Dale introduces the segment before getting sidetracked by other topics, eventually showing videos of bacon jalapeño taco poppers and sushi donuts
Callers
- unnamed (Hutto area) [00:23:51] — Called to describe the new HEB/Water Burger location in Hutto Provided information that it’s an HEB Plus with a separate Water Burger in the parking lot
Text Line
- [00:40:44] Michael (Bob’s friend) invited Bob to go to Orangetheory Fitness — read by Bob Fonseca Led to extended discussion about the gym, pricing, and Dale’s wife’s membership
Quotes
Danielisms are wild and wonderful facts. They may or may not be true, but are always fun.
Alexa [00:05:48]
I am not a talent on this show.
Alexa (Daniel quote) [00:07:11]
Women exist in this world.
Alexa (Daniel quote) [00:09:00]
Alexa, I’m feeling suicidal.
Dale Dudley [00:15:02]
How do you remain just an employee for 11 years?
Bob Fonseca [00:21:05]
He loved liver from cows who died from alcohol poisoning.
Dale Dudley [00:46:42]
Part 4: Yelp
The hosts discuss Dale’s regret about moving away from his old Cat Mountain neighborhood, lamenting how expensive Austin real estate has become. Daniel goes down a bizarre rabbit hole reading funeral home Yelp reviews, including deeply inappropriate ones about a four-month-old’s funeral. The conversation spirals into Daniel admitting his father-in-law uses his library card to download audiobooks and burn them to CD to take back to Canada, leading to mock accusations of international copyright theft and fraud.
Segments
- David Blaine Tickets and Magic Memories [00:00:02] — Dale promotes David Blaine tickets for ACL Live and discusses his childhood magic kit. Bob references Dale’s past ‘Bar Stoppers’ or similar embarrassing magic trick set.
- Cat Mountain Real Estate Regret [00:01:31] — Dale confesses he drove through his old Cat Mountain neighborhood and regrets moving. His former $219,000 house would now cost over $1.2 million. He laments the commute versus living in the city and realizes he’d have no house payment if he’d stayed.
- Casket Size and Burial Plans [00:04:24] — Dale’s wife told him she’ll have him cremated because he’s ‘too big for a casket,’ which he took as an insult about his height. Discussion of oversized caskets and female pallbearers ensues.
- Funeral Home Yelp Reviews [00:07:04] — Daniel reveals he went down a ‘funeral home Yelp review wormhole’ and begins reading increasingly inappropriate reviews, including one about a four-month-old’s funeral that horrifies everyone. Reviews complain about lack of tissues, no snacks allowed, and being rushed through services.
- Hotel Masturbation Arrest [00:13:00] — Dale reads a news story about a man arrested at the Hilton Austin for masturbating while looking at pornography on a hotel lobby computer. Daniel claims public libraries are full of people doing the same thing.
- Daniel’s Library Audiobook Scheme [00:15:25] — Daniel admits his father-in-law uses Daniel’s library card to check out audiobooks, burn them to CD, and take them to Canada. The hosts accuse him of international copyright theft, Interpol violations, and fraud. Daniel tries to obfuscate but eventually admits his father-in-law is ‘doing something like that.’
- Podcast Feed Migration Announcement [00:20:29] — Matt announces the show is moving to a new podcast provider on iTunes by May 1st. Listeners need to search for ‘Dudley and Bob with Matt show’ and subscribe to the new feed labeled ‘new’ before the old feed goes dead.
Quotes
What was I thinking? I sound like Daniel now.
Dale Dudley [00:01:43]
It’s about time they start picking up the slack and carrying their weight.
Bob Fonseca [00:04:47]
You ruined everyone’s day on the way to work.
Dale Dudley [00:08:34]
It’s always the wrong person dies.
Dale Dudley [00:10:03]
Everything’s checked out because we’re not as educated.
Daniel Gallo [00:20:04]
Part 5: Canadian Money
This final segment is loose and disjointed. The hosts begin with podcast logistics, then drift through Bill Murray dollar-bill art, a Dallas preacher’s claim that an ‘anointed cake’ can cure homosexuality, and British political figures trying to break up California. Daniel derails the show by bringing up a 1970s Easter Day family massacre, prompting Dale to complain Daniel is ruining the broadcast with grim murder stories. The segment ends with the hosts collecting Daniel’s odd quotes from the day.
Segments
- Podcast Migration Announcement [00:00:01] — Dale announces the show is moving to a new iTunes feed and listeners must resubscribe by May 1st.
- Pray the Gay Away Camps [00:02:27] — Dale describes a Dateline investigation into gay conversion camps, including those that physically abuse teenagers. He transitions to a video of a Dallas evangelist who claims a ‘prayed-over cake’ cured a man of homosexuality.
- Canadian Spock Money [00:15:21] — Daniel shows the hosts that Canadians have been drawing Spock on five-dollar bills. Bob attempts to draw Bill Murray on a U.S. five-dollar bill. The crew debates whether defacing currency is legal.
- Breaking Up California [00:23:52] — Dale reads that Nigel Farage and Brexit backers want to break California into two states to isolate liberals. The hosts speculate on how you’d divide the state geographically.
- Easter Day Massacre [00:32:38] — Daniel reads about a 1975 massacre in which a man killed 11 family members on Easter. Dale grows increasingly frustrated that Daniel brought this horrific story to air unprompted.
- Daniel’s Quote Recap [00:38:23] — Matt lists Daniel’s bizarre quotes from the show, including ‘John Wayne Gacy ruined the clown industry in Chicago’ and ‘the worst hangover ever is after you kill your entire family.’
Text Line
- [00:36:06] A listener named Kyle says the Easter Day massacre victim was his mother’s neighbor and Daniel just ruined her day — read by Bob Fonseca Dale asks Daniel what question he has for the woman whose day he ruined; Daniel apologizes on air
- [00:40:02] A listener named John Wynn sends in Daniel’s quote ‘the worst hangover ever is after you kill your entire family’ for the quote list — read by Bob Fonseca Bob adds it to the running list of Daniel’s odd statements from the day
Quotes
You’re wanting to know what penis tastes like.
Dale Dudley [00:05:51]
It’s upside down world when Dale Dudley and Dick Cheney are starting to see eye to eye.
Bob Fonseca [00:09:10]
Someone got some new weed.
Dale Dudley [00:32:03]
Worst hangover ever.
Daniel Gallo [00:35:03]
Are you saying people became racist against clowns?
Bob Fonseca [00:39:20]