Dudley and Bob with Matt — 93.7 KLBJ-FM, Austin — Tuesday, April 25, 2017
This Show
Part 1: Banned Books
The show discusses a Leander ISD parent, Dr. Lori Hines, who has been appearing at school board meetings to complain about books on the summer reading list for high school students. She reads explicit passages aloud to the board, objecting to sexual content, profanity, and LGBTQ themes in books like ‘Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe.’ Dale mistakenly thought she was complaining about the classical philosophers. The hosts mock her approach while defending teenagers’ right to read age-appropriate literature that reflects real life.
Segments
- Podcast Migration Announcement [00:00:00] — Daniel reads an announcement about the show moving to a new home on iTunes, with the old feed disappearing by May 1st.
- Rough Night / Personal Updates [00:01:47] — Dale discusses being up all night with his daughter Ellie and having a neighbor’s dog show up at his house. Bob mentions financial troubles including an IRS issue.
- Conference Call Rant [00:06:00] — Dale complains about being required to participate in an 11 PM conference call for a radio ad client he’s worked with for 20 years, where they just read copy he already knows how to perform.
- Cedar Park Post Office Parking Lot [00:10:00] — Dale describes how the Cedar Park Post Office parking spaces are too small for modern cars, leading to dings and confrontations.
- Contract Negotiations [00:13:51] — Brief discussion about Dale’s contract expiring in 35 days, with five additional vacation days being negotiated for the show.
- Introduction to Banned Books Story [00:17:09] — Dale transitions to the main topic: a Leander parent complaining about the summer reading list. He initially misunderstands the story, thinking it’s about the actual philosophers Aristotle and Dante.
- Dr. Lori Hines First Clips [00:21:10] — The show plays audio of Dr. Hines addressing the Leander school board, complaining about LGBTQ content in ‘Aristotle and Dante’ and lack of ‘truth in advertising’ about book content.
- Masturbation Discussion Censorship [00:22:12] — Dale notes that KLBJ AM edited out the word ‘masturbation’ six times from the clip, and criticizes the censorship of a medical term.
- How to Smoke a Joint [00:24:29] — Dr. Hines reads a passage describing smoking marijuana, demonstrating her concern about drug references in young adult literature.
- Profanity Count [00:24:47] — Dr. Hines recites all the curse words she counted in the books, saying the words multiple times in front of the school board.
- Dr. Hines Background Research [00:26:00] — The cast discovers Dr. Hines is a pediatrician at Seton and has been appearing at school board meetings since at least 2015.
- Sexual Content Clips [00:29:00] — Additional clips of Dr. Hines reading sexual passages from various books on the reading list, including descriptions of intimacy and sexual awakening.
- The ‘Snark’ Moment [00:32:34] — The hosts focus on Dr. Hines saying ‘That’s snark’ after making a sarcastic comment, finding it awkward that she had to explain her own sarcasm.
- School Board Meeting Culture [00:36:00] — Discussion about PTA and school board meetings, with Daniel explaining the typical parent breakdown: 25-30% disinterested, most riding along, and one or two very vocal activists.
- Bible Comparison [00:37:00] — Dale argues that the Bible contains more violence and disturbing content than any of the books Dr. Hines is complaining about.
- Classic Literature Demand [00:39:32] — Dr. Hines argues for ‘classic literature’ instead of newer books, dismissing recent award-winning books because they haven’t ‘stood the test of time.’
- Cain’s Chicken Incident [00:44:00] — Carissa makes a joke about a school board member thinking about Cain’s chicken, which triggers Dale to mention that Cain’s was referenced in inappropriate text messages to his wife in 2015.
Quotes
So far, I’ve only found books that will keep their minds in the gutter.
Dr. Lori Hines (via audio) [00:21:17]
Speaking of sex, here’s some fantastic classic writing. That’s snark.
Dr. Lori Hines (via audio) [00:22:20]
Usually when you do snark, you don’t need to tell me.
Dale Dudley [00:32:34]
The absolute worst way to raise your children is to shelter them from real life.
Dale Dudley [00:39:32]
Stop telling my children what they should read. Be a parent. This is for your kids.
Dale Dudley [00:40:23]
Part 2: We’re so Punny
The show dove deep into Texas music museum food puns for nearly 30 minutes, with callers and the hosts riffing on Texas musician names (Stevie Ray Nachos, Robert Earl Beans, etc.). Dale also ranted about a Leander doctor reading at a school board meeting, discussed Sean Spicer’s first 100 days, and Daniel presented Fast Food Fanatic featuring bizarre international flavors and a $499 Sonic-style ice maker Dale wants to buy.
Segments
- Dale’s Bruce Springsteen Story [00:07:11] — Dale tells a story about playing ‘Born to Run’ on an adult contemporary station in East Texas and being reprimanded by program director Gary Fox for playing ‘overtly sexual’ music.
- Amtrak Cross-Country Travel [00:15:18] — Discussion of a $213 Amtrak cross-country trip and the ultimate American road trip itinerary, including stops in Texas.
- Texas Music Museum Announcement [00:21:20] — Senate approved a state music museum for Austin to be built on a parking lot near the Capitol, which launches the massive food pun segment.
- Texas Music Museum Food Puns [00:23:00] — Extended bit where hosts and callers create food puns based on Texas musicians’ names for the museum cafeteria menu.
- Sean Spicer’s First 100 Days [00:41:03] — Huffington Post montage of Sean Spicer highlights including mispronunciations, confrontations with reporters, and his Hitler/chemical weapons gaffe.
- Fast Food Fanatic – 100 Layer Lasagna [00:44:02] — Daniel presents a 100-layer lasagna from Del Posto in New York that is grilled and served over marinara.
- Austin’s Hottest Chain Restaurants [00:45:15] — Torchy’s, Hopdoddy, Chilantro, and Tarka named as hottest semi-fast food chains in America.
- The Opal Nugget Ice Maker [00:49:02] — Dale announces he wants to buy a $499 standalone ice maker that makes Sonic-style nugget ice because his Samsung refrigerator ice maker keeps failing.
- Weird Dining Concepts [00:50:41] — Discussion of conveyor belt sushi where you buy what you touch, and a standing-only steak restaurant in New York.
- Crazy International Flavors [00:59:15] — Rapid-fire rundown of bizarre food flavors from around the world including pizza spaghetti Slush, wasabi cheese donuts, and yogurt-flavored Pepsi.
Recurring Bits
- Fast Food Fanatic [00:44:02] — Daniel presents unusual fast food items including 100-layer lasagna, hottest Austin chains, and international flavors
Callers
- unnamed [00:31:39] — Peanut butter and Reckless Kelly jelly for Texas museum First successful pun from a caller, redeemed the bit
- unnamed [00:31:57] — Buddy Holly-day (Buddy Holly pun) Well-received pun
- unnamed [00:33:07] — Stevie Nachos (Stevie Nicks pun attempt) Failed – Stevie Nicks is not from Texas, caller was confused
- unnamed [00:34:06] — Robert Earl Brownie Jr. Caller was confused about the bit topic, unclear contribution
- unnamed [00:34:22] — Pantera bread sandwich Good pun, well-received
- unnamed [00:34:38] — Chili Nelson and Sleep at the Wheaties Strong puns, hosts wondered why they didn’t think of chili Nelson
- unnamed [00:35:01] — Bob Schneider doodles (kids meal toy pun) Long way to go for the pun but landed well
- unnamed [00:35:26] — Ian Moore s’mores (Ian Moore pun) Stumbled on delivery but redeemed it
- unnamed [00:35:52] — Blake oysters on the half Shelton Failed – Blake Shelton is not from Texas
- unnamed [00:36:36] — Freddie Fender finger rings Poorly executed pun, caller stumbled
- unnamed [00:37:24] — Stevie Ray Nachos (corrected version) Better than the earlier Stevie attempt
- unnamed [00:37:32] — Tommy Shannon short ribs Just alliteration, not a pun – rejected
- unnamed [00:37:44] — Fried Cody toties (Slaid Cleaves pun attempt) Confusing and rejected
- unnamed [00:38:22] — Dale Watson water/Dale sandwich Long-winded and unclear
- unnamed [00:38:37] — Spaghetti and Fastballs Pretty good, possibly silver tier according to Bob
- unnamed [00:39:09] — Brian Says (Brian Setzer pun) Well-received
- unnamed [00:39:15] — Steve Miller barbecue plate Just naming after the musician, not a pun – rejected
- unnamed [00:39:36] — Janis Joplin coleslaw Another name-only attempt, rejected
- unnamed [00:39:40] — Butthole surf and turf Good one, ended the phone segment
Quotes
I was always more talented than anybody I worked with in small markets.
Dale Dudley [00:09:43]
I think she gets off to it. That’s my opinion.
Dale Dudley [00:12:24]
I’m thankful to read anything. I don’t like that interest.
Bob Fonseca [00:14:44]
Can you get me a pickle? One of those Jimmy Dale Dilmores.
Bob Fonseca [00:29:13]
This is the thing that finally gets lit them on fire.
Dale Dudley [00:40:01]
Part 3: Politics and Spicey
This part of the show was dominated by a running bit about creating food items for a fictional Texas Music Museum cafeteria, which spiraled into callers contributing increasingly absurd entries. The hosts also discussed Alex Jones claiming he slept with 150 women by age 16 (in the context of his custody case), the Chobani yogurt company suing Jones for defamation, San Antonio’s mayor blaming atheism for poverty, and Jim Bakker selling survival food while fearmongering about Muslims. CJ Morgan’s failed psychic hotline prank call aired at the end, becoming unexpectedly sad when a drunk caller opened up about dead loved ones.
Segments
- Chobani Sues Alex Jones [00:00:00] — Dale reads a story about Chobani yogurt suing Alex Jones for defamation, marveling at how Jones went from ‘common man’ conspiracy theorist to supporting Trump and billionaires.
- Alex Jones: 150 Women by Age 16 [00:01:51] — The hosts play and react to Alex Jones claiming he slept with over 150 women by the time he was 16, calling it ‘shameful’ but clearly bragging. They do the math: that’s nearly one new woman per week from age 12-16.
- Texas Music Museum Food Items [00:07:34] — Callers start pitching food items for a fictional Texas Music Museum cafeteria. The bit runs throughout the rest of the show with increasingly absurd entries.
- San Antonio Mayor Blames Atheists for Poverty [00:24:02] — Dale reads that San Antonio Mayor Ivy Taylor blamed atheism for generational poverty, saying people need a relationship with their creator. Dale, an atheist, writes her an angry email.
- Jim Bakker Survival Food [00:27:56] — The hosts watch and mock Jim Bakker selling $2,800 ‘tasty pantry deluxe’ survival food by claiming Muslims are taking over America and will kill Christians. They attempt to call his ordering hotline.
- CJ Morgan’s Psychic Hotline Prank [00:50:00] — CJ’s prank call from his night shift airs: he pretended to be a psychic hotline, but a drunk caller took it seriously, talked about her dead boyfriend and parents, then hit on CJ and offered her phone number.
Callers
- Brandon (regular) [00:11:43] — Called with food item for museum, revealed he makes mosaic patio furniture Dale jokingly demanded free outdoor furniture, then hung up on him when he pitched ‘Dolly Parton’s melon’ (she’s not from Texas)
- unnamed [00:15:35] — Called about Alex Jones sleeping with 150 women Carissa Jade called in (identified as a cast member by context) to say it’s impossible – even the sluttiest people don’t hit those numbers
- unnamed [00:19:29] — Food items for the museum Multiple callers pitch food puns throughout, most hung up on quickly
- unnamed [00:19:54] — Told them women aren’t calling because they’re teachers and in class Dale sarcastically thanked him for the insight
- unnamed (garden caller) [00:38:26] — Suggested people plant gardens instead of buying Jim Bakker survival food Dale was baffled by the non-sequitur and the caller’s complete misunderstanding of the criticism of Bakker
- Sarah [00:51:08] — Called CJ Morgan’s psychic hotline bit (pre-recorded) Drunk caller took the prank seriously, opened up about dead boyfriend and parents, then hit on CJ and offered her number. CJ awkwardly ended it.
Quotes
I have syrup orgasms now. Where it just looks like somebody didn’t close the Aunt Jemima bottle.
Dale Dudley [00:05:12]
So a 12-year-old went around going, hey baby, college lady.
Dale Dudley [00:06:03]
I found that I had to work hard and fend for myself. No one else was going to do it.
Dale Dudley [00:25:51]
If I ever snap, that’s the guy I’ll go after. But I won’t. That’s not a threat.
Dale Dudley [00:36:00]