Dudley and Bob with Matt — 93.7 KLBJ-FM, Austin — Thursday, April 2, 2015
This Show
Part 1: Closer to Cruisin
Dale discusses diet progress, morning bathroom issues, and potential cruise details. The crew debates Bruce Jenner’s transition, with Dale recommending the ‘Lady Valor’ documentary about a transgender Navy SEAL. Dale announces a major MotoGP giveaway including a meet-and-greet with Valentino Rossi and a Cheap Trick concert. The cruise discussion heats up with the first complaint about pricing, though the trip isn’t confirmed yet. The show veers through multiple tangents including Dale’s acting audition hopes, a crowbar/Jimmy running gag, and Bob’s weight loss progress.
Segments
- Show open and protein shake incident [00:00:10] — Dale arrives with protein shake stains on his shirt. Bob and Matt are introduced via elaborate show opening.
- Dale’s apology to Bob’s neighbor [00:03:00] — Dale discusses finally apologizing to Michael, Bob’s neighbor, for a years-long feud that stemmed from a drunken misunderstanding at a party.
- Bruce Jenner’s transition and Lady Valor documentary [00:06:00] — Discussion of Bruce Jenner getting breast implants leads to Dale recommending the ‘Lady Valor’ documentary about a transgender Navy SEAL.
- Show’s LGBT history and lack of recognition [00:09:00] — Dale rants about the show never getting credit for being early supporters of transgender people despite introducing the city to these issues in the early 90s.
- Bob’s anger bracket [00:11:00] — Dale mentions creating a bracket (stolen from Stern) about what makes Bob the maddest, which got good response.
- Cruise announcement and first complaint [00:11:12] — Dale updates cruise details: now $3,150 inside cabin with airfare, transfers, taxes, and gratuities included. He received his first complaint about the price increase.
- Dale’s morning bathroom crisis [00:12:00] — Dale confesses to a severe constipation incident at 3:45 AM involving looking for a plastic knife, attributing it to his diet.
- Furious 7 movie discussion [00:14:00] — Brief confusion about Furious 7 opening on Thursday vs. Friday, despite Matt having done 31 promotional spots saying Friday.
- McDonald’s wage increase [00:14:31] — Dale notes McDonald’s raising minimum wage to $9.40 with paid vacation, though Daniel clarifies it’s only 10% of company-owned stores.
- Bob’s weight loss progress [00:15:00] — Dale estimates Bob has lost 6-8 pounds on his no-cheat diet, expressing surprise Bob made it through the week.
- Dale’s acting audition [00:16:00] — Dale reveals he has an audition for a WWII-era show he desperately wants but won’t name, needs to submit a videotaped audition by April 8th.
- Echo stress test after drinking [00:17:50] — Dale mentions having an echo stress test scheduled after drinking cocktails and Fireball shots the night before due to personal stress.
- Severe constipation story continues [00:19:00] — Dale elaborates on his morning bathroom crisis, mentioning double Metamucil didn’t work, making caveman club jokes.
- Bob’s missing K-1 tax form [00:20:00] — Discussion of Bob still not receiving his K-1 limited partnership tax form, threatening to sue the person who gave him the shares.
- Phil’s Ice House Tyler franchise jokes [00:21:25] — Dale jokes about getting a Phil’s Ice House franchise for Tyler, making racist jokes about how backward Tyler, Texas still is.
- Tyler racism stories [00:23:00] — Matt shares his story from a year ago about hearing someone in Tyler loudly use racial slurs in public about New Orleans.
- Grandfathered in as racist term [00:23:20] — Dale mentions learning from NPR that ‘grandfathered in’ is a racist term, then does impression of 118-year-old NPR host Diane Rehm.
- Nina Blackwood COPD on Sirius [00:24:25] — Dale discusses former MTV VJ Nina Blackwood now on Sirius 80s channel, noting she has severe COPD from smoking and rattles between sentences.
- Lady Valor documentary details [00:26:00] — Dale provides full title of the Netflix documentary ‘Lady Valor’ about transgender Navy SEAL, discusses online denigration of transgender veterans.
- MotoGP ticket giveaway announcement [00:26:43] — Dale announces tickets for MotoGP races today and tomorrow, plus Monday’s grand prize: three-day passes, parking, and meet-and-greet with Valentino Rossi.
- Cheap Trick at MotoGP [00:28:30] — Dale reveals Cheap Trick (all original members) will perform at the end of MotoGP, plus Evil Knievel memorabilia display and other attractions.
- Bob’s Cheap Trick backstage pass story [00:29:00] — Bob tells story of playing golf with Cheap Trick in Lubbock, being offered sexual favors for backstage passes by a woman in the limo, and turning her down.
- Cruise complaint response [00:32:00] — Dale reads the listener complaint about cruise price increase and his sarcastic response suggesting she could ‘walk from the plane to the ship’ to save transfer fees.
- Cruise pricing breakdown [00:33:00] — Dale explains the $3,150 price includes $600 in European air taxes per person, basic price still $2,800, and discusses what’s included.
- Dale’s anxiety about contract renewal [00:36:00] — Dale expresses anxiety about his contract being up June 1st and what would happen if he’s not renewed after booking the cruise.
- Daniel’s culture shock and Vietnam fears [00:37:00] — Discussion of Daniel’s pre-culture shock, his fear of going to Vietnam because he’d stand out, preferring ‘white countries’ like Ireland.
- Convincing Daniel to go on cruise [00:39:00] — The crew tries to convince Daniel he can afford the cruise by quitting smoking, calculating he spends about $2,000 a year on cigarettes.
- Muster station and cruise logistics [00:42:00] — Discussion of muster stations (emergency lifeboat drill) being the worst part of cruises, along with disembarkation procedures.
- Mark Proc book and Big Jay Oakerson [00:44:00] — Dale announces Mark Proc will be on next week to discuss his book about being Weird Al Yankovic’s bus driver and selling his tour bus company. Big Jay Oakerson confirmed for tomorrow.
- Bob’s bracket excuse and drinking [00:45:30] — Bob admits he didn’t write his bracket because he went drinking with Bobby and Michael at a bar, couldn’t handle third-grade homework anymore.
Guests
- Big Jay Oakerson (comedian) [00:44:23] — Confirmed for tomorrow’s show (Friday house party)
- Mark Proc (other) [00:44:29] — Scheduled for next week to discuss his book about being Weird Al’s bus driver and his tour bus company
Text Line
- [00:33:00] Complained about the cruise price increase, asking ‘is that for you guys’ — read by Dale Dudley Dale responded sarcastically on Facebook suggesting she could walk from plane to ship to save transfer fees
Music
- Cheap Trick — Will perform at MotoGP event, all original members including Robin Zander, Rick Nielsen, Bun E. Carlos, and Tom Petersson
Quotes
The show in my head that I’m trying to do for you is really good
Dale Dudley [00:12:13]
People who’ve never been in battle say they should take all his medals away
Dale Dudley [00:26:34]
You could walk from the plane to the ship to save the transfer fees
Dale Dudley [00:33:20]
Part 2: Cops are Crazy
This segment focuses on ‘crazy cop’ stories, including a Texas DPS trooper reprimanded for taking a photo with Snoop Dogg, a man arrested for using fake cop lights to cut in line at Whataburger, and an NYPD detective caught on video berating an Uber driver. The hosts also discuss the upcoming Funniest Person in Austin contest, Dale’s European cruise plans, and watch footage of Scientology ‘Squirrel Busters’ harassing an ex-member.
Segments
- Remote Stories and Charges [00:00:01] — Dale and Bob reminisce about terrible remote broadcasts, including one where Bob was charged for a glass of tea and another at a mosquito-infested strip club.
- Just Some New Stuff Intro [00:05:01] — The hosts prepare to do their ‘Just Some New Stuff’ segment after not doing it for several days.
- Leander Fire Alarm Felony [00:06:07] — A Leander High School student faces a state jail felony for pulling a fire alarm to get out of class. Dale criticizes the severity of the charge.
- Cops Are Crazy Theme [00:08:23] — Dale introduces a series of stories about police overreach and questionable behavior.
- DPS Trooper and Snoop Dogg Photo [00:08:25] — A Texas DPS trooper was counseled for taking a photo with Snoop Dogg during South by Southwest. Dale argues this is racial bias, noting Willie Nelson would not have triggered the same response.
- Female Journalist Bracket Announcement [00:12:01] — Dale mentions CJ has created brackets for determining the best female television journalist in Austin.
- Whataburger Cop Impersonator [00:13:01] — News story from Odessa about Manuel Chico, who used fake police lights to cut in line at Whataburger drive-thru. The hosts mock the production quality of the local newscast.
- Easter Discussion [00:23:00] — Dale questions Easter traditions, particularly the secular aspects like new clothes and family travel, leading to a tangent about spring celebrations.
- Bill Hicks on Easter [00:28:30] — Dale plays a clip of his late friend Bill Hicks doing a routine about the absurdity of the Easter Bunny.
- Matt Hate Bracket [00:30:03] — Dale proposes a bracket comparing what Matt hates more: racist puppets or comedians who use race as a crutch.
- Funniest Person in Austin Contest [00:31:00] — Discussion of the upcoming contest at Cap City Comedy Club, with Bob revealing he’s a judge and Dale threatening revenge on comedians who’ve trashed the show.
- Daniel’s Business Gifts Tax Issue [00:33:00] — The hosts inform Daniel he must report all the food and business gifts he’s taken home as taxable income to the IRS.
- European Cruise Update [00:38:00] — Dale provides updated pricing and details for the potential European cruise, emphasizing uncertainty about whether it will happen.
- NYPD Uber Driver Video [00:44:00] — Extended audio of an NYPD detective berating an Uber driver over a traffic violation, mocking his accent and threatening arrest despite admitting no crime was committed.
- Scientology Squirrel Busters [00:52:00] — The hosts watch and discuss video of Scientology members in ‘Squirrel Patrol’ shirts with GoPros harassing ex-member Marty Rathbun at his Texas home.
- Contest Giveaways [00:58:00] — Dale promotes WWE Raw and MotoGP ticket giveaways, including a meet-and-greet with Valentino Rossi.
Recurring Bits
- Pop Cop [00:08:20] — Dale introduces cop stories with the Pop Cop theme, though there’s confusion about whether Matt was ever actually Pop Cop
Quotes
Way to go, Leander Police. Golf clap. What a crime fighting organization.
Dale Dudley [00:07:23]
What if Willie Nelson had been there? No reprimand.
Dale Dudley [00:10:01]
The only reason you’re not in handcuffs is because you haven’t done anything illegal.
Bob Fonseca [00:50:00]
Part 3: Matt Bracket
The show does a ‘Matt Bracket’ tournament to determine what Matt Bearden hates most, with Vivere (the company health assessment system) ultimately winning. They also discuss homemade sexual devices after finding images online, take calls from listeners sharing their teenage creations, give away WWE tickets when the text system fails, and rant extensively about Texas State Representative Stuart Spitzer who diverted sex education funds to abstinence education despite high teen pregnancy rates in his district. The hosts refuse his invitation to appear on the show.
Segments
- Matt Bracket Setup [00:00:01] — Dale and Bob admit they don’t know Matt well enough and struggle to build a bracket of things he hates. Discussion of doing the bracket like they did Bob’s yesterday.
- Carissa’s Smoking and Money Problems [00:04:03] — Dale confronts Carissa about her smoking habit costing her money, and her dad texts in upset after hearing she borrowed rent money while spending on cigarettes.
- Stuart Spitzer Abstinence Rant [00:09:02] — Dale launches into an extended rant about Texas State Rep Stuart Spitzer who diverted $3 million from STD education to abstinence programs, despite waiting until 29 to have sex himself and representing counties with very high teen pregnancy rates.
- WWE Ticket Giveaway Chaos [00:22:00] — The text contest system fails, so Dale gives away WWE tickets live on air to the first caller, Steven, who says his stepdad is a wrestling fan.
- Homemade Flashlights Discussion [00:25:00] — The show finds images online of DIY sexual devices and discusses various combinations involving Pringles cans, sponges, latex gloves, bubble wrap, and other household items.
- Phone Topic: What Did You Make? [00:28:00] — Dale opens the phones for listeners to share their teenage DIY creations, getting calls about couch cushions, warm tortillas, watermelons, and pumpkins.
- Squirrel Patrol Bathroom Prank [00:39:00] — Bob tries to embarrass Daniel by filming him in the bathroom while he’s trying to urinate.
- Matt Bracket Tournament Begins [00:44:00] — The actual bracket begins with matchups including racist puppets vs racial comics, punch ripoff shows vs traffic, flip-flops on men vs purchasing indecision.
- Flip-Flops Rant [00:51:00] — Matt explains his intense hatred of men wearing flip-flops away from water, calling it unmanly and infuriating.
- Vivere Wins [00:54:00] — The Vivere health assessment system is declared Matt’s most hated thing, beating out his indecisiveness about purchases in the finals.
- CJ Returns From Jury Duty [00:58:00] — CJ explains he spent days at jury duty but all five cases were dismissed or pleaded out. Plans for the Journalistic Integrity bracket are discussed.
Recurring Bits
- Journalistic Integrity Bracket [00:58:00] — CJ announces plans to do a bracket of Austin TV reporters, with listener nominations and voting on Facebook
- The Sideshow [01:00:00] — Dale promotes the after-show podcast and debate about doing a ‘taco sideshow’ from a restaurant
Callers
- Steven [00:24:45] — Called for WWE tickets, said his stepdad is a huge wrestling fan Won the tickets when Dale decided to just give them to the first caller after the text system failed
- Josh [00:31:00] — Called in about making a DIY device from couch cushions with Ziploc bag and Vaseline at age 16, mentioned ‘Fifi dolls’ in jail Shared his story about his parents catching him watching scrambled Spice channel and recording it over his mom’s jazzercise tape
- Rafael [00:39:22] — Called in to say he used a watermelon Brief call, hosts joked about Pecos watermelons
- Jared [00:37:17] — Called about his ‘friend’ who would grow baking pumpkins and let them soften for a few days Hosts immediately called out that the ‘friend’ was actually Jared himself
- David [00:42:49] — Rolled up towel with latex glove Dale told him his shame is now on the internet
- Mac [00:43:05] — Tried a warm butter tortilla between couch cushions after seeing American Pie Dale hung up on him when he wouldn’t answer whether it was corn or flour tortilla
Text Line
- [00:04:03] Carissa’s father Wynn texted her upset after hearing on-air that she borrowed rent money while also spending money on cigarettes — read by Carissa Jade Dale used it to shame Carissa about her smoking habit and spending priorities
Quotes
A man who’s 29 years old who waits until he has to have sex is not a man.
Dale Dudley [00:10:41]
My goal is for everyone to be abstinent until they’re married. I cannot tell you how angry I am.
Dale Dudley [00:13:21]
You cannot see it. It makes my blood boil. It’s horrific. It’s not manly.
Matt Bearden [00:51:34]
Stop making us be children. You haven’t given us a raise in 10 years.
Dale Dudley [00:56:03]