Dudley and Bob with Matt — 93.7 KLBJ-FM, Austin — Monday, July 20, 2015
This Show
Part 1: Bug Assault
Dale discusses his weekend dealing with his kid’s birthday party and sleepover, leading into a broader conversation about poorly behaved children in public. The hosts react enthusiastically to the ‘Bug Assault’ salt gun Dale bought his son, sharing experiences using it on flies and spiders. A major topic is a restaurant owner in Portland who yelled at a screaming child, which the hosts mostly applaud. The show also touches on nostalgic childhood commercials and toys, including Dairy Queen dolls and old cartoons like Dudley Do-Right.
Segments
- Show Open [00:00:00] — Standard show introduction with cast introductions and Dale mentioning voice issues requiring nasal spray.
- Quitting Uber [00:01:41] — Dale announces he has quit Uber driving, saying ‘I quit this bitch’ and promising to explain why later in the show.
- Birthday Party Weekend [00:02:11] — Dale recounts his kid’s birthday party sleepover, expressing his hatred of having people and especially children at his house. He describes scaring kids in the tent and Amanda always needing plans.
- Bug Assault Gun Discussion [00:05:42] — Extended conversation about the Bug Assault salt gun Dale bought for his son. He describes brutally killing a spider and how the gun works differently on different insects. Bob and Matt are enthusiastic owners; Daniel has never tried one.
- Rocky Road Ice Cream Callback [00:08:01] — Dale references putting rocky road ice cream in the garage to attract flies (a callback to something Daniel allegedly did). Multiple callers confirm they got the reference.
- Restaurant Screaming Kids [00:13:30] — Dale describes being at a restaurant where a mother left three unsupervised kids inside while she took pictures outside, with one child screaming constantly.
- Portland Restaurant Owner Story [00:15:42] — Extended discussion of news story about a Portland diner owner who yelled at a screaming child. The hosts largely support her actions, discussing parenting in public spaces.
- Hashtag Next Week / D-Day Tease [00:23:00] — Matt references ‘hashtag next week’ and having to explain the layers of that story. Dale announces ‘D-Day’ coming this week to lay out the full story with audio evidence. References an incident on June 3rd when Dale was moving.
- Pool Party Fight Story [00:24:38] — Dale tells story of Amanda jumping in the pool fully clothed to confront a kid who was splashing their children after being asked to stop.
- Pinata Photo Discussion [00:28:45] — Bob receives and shares a childhood photo of Dale blindfolded hitting a pinata at his son’s party, dressed in what looks like a Zorro mask.
- Drunk Bear Story [00:30:25] — News story about a black bear at Baker Lake Resort that drank 36 cans of Rainier beer, refused Bush beer, passed out in a tree, and had to be trapped with doughnuts, honey, and more Rainier.
- Yogi Bear and Cartoon Nostalgia [00:32:02] — Discussion of Yogi Bear, Dudley Do-Right (which Dale says ruined his childhood due to his last name), and other classic cartoons. They play theme songs and intros.
- Dairy Queen Dolls [00:35:05] — Dale recalls cheap flat cloth Dairy Queen dolls from 1974 that were terrible toys. They find images online showing Sweet Nell McDoom and other Dudley Do-Right knockoff characters.
- Truck Stop Memories [00:38:41] — Dale remembers wanting the drinking bird toy from Stuckey’s and mentions discovering ‘dirty trucker’ porn books at truck stops as a child.
- Church Rapture Commercial [00:39:23] — They play and discuss a creative church commercial from Dr. BL Gregory about the Rapture, leading to discussion of Carissa having read all the Left Behind books.
Callers
- Steven [00:11:13] — Mocking Dale for not being able to kill a spider with the Bug Assault gun, referencing Call of Duty badges Dale dismisses it as a stretch of a joke that didn’t land well
- Charles [00:12:04] — Asked Dale how his belief that life is a computer simulation fits with not believing in ghosts (glitches in code) Dale cuts him off, asking what he’s drinking (Irish coffee), and ends the call quickly
- Taylor [00:18:02] — Confirmed he got the rocky road ice cream callback Simple confirmation, thanked and moved on
- Roger (Chicago (layover)) [00:18:14] — Also confirmed getting the callback, was in Chicago airport Bob joked about him being in O’Hare, Dale joked about him telling security he has something ticking in his bag
- Eric [00:19:13] — Called about the callback, mentioned being a pool cleaner Bob made a porn industry joke about pool cleaners
Music
- Blondie — Rapture (1980) played and discussed as ‘one of the best rap songs ever’
Quotes
I got five words: Uber, I quit this bitch.
Dale Dudley [00:01:43]
I realize I hate people. Most of all I hate children.
Dale Dudley [00:02:23]
Life’s full of choices and I say go for it.
Restaurant Owner [00:16:52]
How am I gonna be the bad guy? I’m the bad guy.
Matt Bearden [00:23:48]
Part 2: The Old Boys’ Club
Dale spends most of the segment ranting about white privilege in the Texas justice system, focusing on Benny Fulberg of Pedernales Electric Co-op who received an absurdly lenient jail sentence with birthday and holiday exemptions. The hosts also discuss Dale’s declining Uber rating, share a graphic four-minute video of a woman giving birth in a car, and Dale recommends a Netflix documentary about how cardiologists suppressed life-saving heart scan technology to protect stent profits.
Segments
- Show opening chaos [00:00:04] — Dale is overwhelmed with multiple show topics and mentions the upcoming ‘D-Day’ where they’ll explain behind-the-scenes drama. Discussion of Bob’s drone photo.
- Sideshow Live promo [00:01:11] — Bob promotes the September 3rd live Sideshow at Cap City Comedy Club, warning it always sells out early.
- Gross Facebook posts [00:01:54] — Dale describes seeing a horrific cancer photo and a video of a woman eating skin off her heel on a train. Debate over which is grosser.
- Smoking and health [00:05:56] — The hosts tell Carissa to quit smoking after seeing the cancer images. She returns from the bathroom and they set a ‘no bathroom during show’ rule.
- Dale quits Uber [00:06:05] — Dale explains he’s quitting Uber after his rating dropped from 5.0 to 4.8, while Bob remains a perfect 5.0. He’s frustrated by difficult passengers and nearly wrecking while distracted.
- Piñata store story [00:07:05] — Dale describes being creeped out shopping for his son’s birthday piñata at a dark store filled with poorly-made knockoff cartoon character piñatas.
- Publix grocery store brawl [00:19:00] — Video shown of two men fighting in the deli aisle of a Florida Publix. Discussion of how Florida news is more interesting than Austin news.
- Ranking Tri-City suburbs [00:21:01] — Dale attempts to rank Cedar Park, Leander, Georgetown, and Round Rock by prestige, leading to jokes about Leander Beer Market and scooters at HEB.
- Andy Ritchie fundraiser [00:23:30] — Matt asks listeners to donate to a GoFundMe for comedian Andy Ritchie, who has a brain tumor and can’t work. Brendan Walsh started the fundraiser.
- THE OLD BOYS’ CLUB – Benny Fulberg case [00:25:00] — Dale’s main segment: detailed breakdown of how Pedernales Electric Co-op board member Benny Fulberg was convicted of corruption but Judge Alan Garrett gave him an absurdly lenient sentence with birthday month off and holiday exemptions. Dale calls out systemic white privilege in Texas justice.
- Woman gives birth in car (graphic video) [00:37:04] — Parental advisory warning as Dale plays a four-minute video of a Houston woman giving birth in the front seat while her husband drives and films. Extensive commentary on the ‘miracle of life’ and comparisons to the hosts’ own experiences.
- Medical conspiracy documentary [00:47:41] — Dale explains a Netflix documentary about how cardiologists suppressed heart-scan technology (HeartSaver CT scan) for decades to protect stent profits, potentially causing hundreds of thousands of preventable deaths including his father.
- Netflix crackdown and Clash of Clans [00:52:41] — Brief discussion of Netflix password sharing crackdown and Dale’s $50 spending on Clash of Clans. Caller Eric from Delaware says the southern judge bit was hilarious.
- Movie recommendations [00:55:05] — Dale recommends ‘Blue Ruin’ on Netflix, a dark comedy about a homeless man seeking revenge. Bob mentions seeing Paul Blart Mall Cop 2.
Recurring Bits
- The Sideshow [00:01:11] — Bob promotes the September 3rd live Sideshow at Cap City Comedy Club, noting tickets are already half sold
Callers
- Matt (unnamed caller) [00:35:54] — Called to explain that Texas allows variable jail time for hardship cases Dale mocks him as ‘the Daniel of the phone’ who doesn’t understand they’re making jokes, not seeking actual information. Compared to someone jumping on stage to charge their iPhone during a performance.
- Eric (Delaware (originally)) [00:53:19] — Called to say the southern lawyer/judge bit was the hardest he’s laughed in a long time Brief friendly chat about Delaware, Philly radio, and Clash of Clans. Dale tells him to get 2,000 trophies before joining their clan.
Quotes
No more teeteeing during the show.
Dale Dudley [00:02:52]
Somebody dinged you and I immediately thought of Bob Fonseca — he wins again.
Dale Dudley [00:13:43]
There still is a good old boy system here in Texas.
Dale Dudley [00:25:20]
State District Judge Alan Garrett is a crook.
Dale Dudley [00:32:40]
If you want to correct us, wait till the end of week — wrong at KLBJFM.com
Dale Dudley [00:56:24]
Part 3: D-Day Preparations
The hosts extensively discuss planning ‘D-Day’ – a future segment where they will air audio of a behind-the-scenes conflict involving Daniel that resulted in disciplinary meetings. Dale proposes a GoFundMe to incentivize Daniel to stay calm during the reveal. The show also covers a Georgetown cop fired for tampering with a colleague’s gun, the Loch Ness monster possibly being a catfish, Trump’s controversial comments about John McCain, and a conceptual euthanasia roller coaster designed to kill riders through G-forces.
Segments
- D-Day Planning Begins [00:00:02] — Dale discusses when to air the audio of the Daniel incident, settling on Wednesday or Thursday. The hosts debate whether Daniel should hear it ahead of time or live on air.
- Loch Ness Monster Catfish Theory [00:07:00] — Dale presents a theory that the Loch Ness monster is actually a Wells catfish. He’s disappointed that mysteries from his childhood are being debunked.
- Georgetown Tripping Cop Fired [00:10:00] — Discussion of Georgetown officer George Bermudez, who was previously suspended for tripping high school students, now fired for tampering with a colleague’s rifle at a gun range.
- D-Day Phone Poll [00:18:08] — The hosts take calls asking whether they should proceed with D-Day. Callers generally support doing it.
- ISIS Periscope Death Threat [00:24:09] — Dale discusses receiving a death threat (‘I will find you and kill you’) on Periscope from a Middle Eastern user while filming at his house.
- GoFundMe for Daniel [00:27:01] — Dale proposes creating a GoFundMe to raise $500 for Daniel as incentive to stay calm during D-Day and not argue or defend himself.
- Trump Attacks McCain [00:31:05] — The show plays and discusses audio of Donald Trump saying John McCain is only a war hero because he was captured, and that Trump likes ‘people that weren’t captured.’
- Euthanasia Roller Coaster [00:47:03] — Dale presents a design for a roller coaster that would kill riders through extreme G-forces, causing euphoria followed by death. They watch a virtual simulation of the ride.
Recurring Bits
- The Sideshow [00:02:40] — Referenced as where they had discussion about doing the show they’ve always done
- The Sideshow [00:55:34] — Promoted as coming up after the show with fight videos
Callers
- Mitchell (Georgetown) [00:18:09] — Confirming that Georgetown cop George Bermudez was always a jerk at his high school Brief call providing local context on the fired officer
- Herschel [00:18:47] — Voting yes on D-Day – ‘For the love of Christ, please do it’ Strong support for airing the D-Day audio
- Stewie [00:19:06] — Says Daniel is his favorite part of the show, loves the mini-rants Provides perspective that Daniel won’t be fired over this
Text Line
- [00:34:04] Listener confirms being propositioned multiple times while driving for Uber, saying drunk girls frequently asked him to come inside after dropoff — read by Dale Dudley Confirms suspicions about Matt Dawson’s Uber driving motivations, leads to joke about Carissa checking his credit card charges
- [00:19:02] Listener said Friday’s show where Dale couldn’t move on was ‘unlistenable’ — read by Dale Dudley Dale acknowledges the criticism, showing some concern about how D-Day might go
Quotes
I am bound and determined not to get upset.
Dale Dudley [00:02:56]
It was five minutes of pure anger that has really… felt good?
Daniel Gallo [00:17:16]
It’s the most embarrassed I’ve ever been, any capacity.
Bob Fonseca [00:22:45]
I’m not going to go out my last years walking on eggshells.
Dale Dudley [00:29:00]
He’s a war hero because he was captured. I like people that weren’t captured.
Donald Trump [00:43:46]