Dudley and Bob with Matt — 93.7 KLBJ-FM, Austin — Thursday, November 3, 2016
This Show
Part 1: The Country Unites_ Carissa Cries
Part 1 of the November 3, 2016 show opens with the hosts celebrating the Cubs’ World Series win and Dale’s elaborate spa bath. The segment quickly devolves into Dale criticizing Carissa for eating on-mic and other behaviors. Matt brings in several emotional news clips designed to make Carissa cry, which succeed spectacularly—she tears up over Bob Henry’s death (Schlitterbahn founder), a homeless painter reuniting with his son, and a young boy losing his elderly friend. The hosts also discuss Brandon Chesbrough’s sick dog and promote the Breaking and Entering charity event.
Segments
- Show Open and Cubs Win Celebration [00:00:00] — The show opens with the standard intro and Dale celebrating the Cubs’ World Series victory. Discussion of how long they’ve been doing the ‘Cubs win’ bit.
- Bob’s Diet and Tony C’s Drinks [00:01:32] — Dale recounts Bob being on a diet but accepting drinks from Tony C at a restaurant, while Dale spent $300 without getting any special treatment.
- Spa Dudley Returns [00:04:48] — Dale describes his wife preparing an elaborate two-hour spa bath for him, complete with candles, wine, and lavender salts, after he was stressed about work negotiations.
- The Fishing Bobber Dreidel [00:05:53] — Daniel thinks Dale’s fishing bobber in his mouth is a dreidel. Dale criticizes Carissa for eating on-mic during the show.
- Don Chaney and Heavy Music [00:09:26] — A Metallica song reminds Dale of Don Chaney, who once called to complain about him playing Paul McCartney’s ‘Coming Up’ before 6am, calling it ‘too heavy’ for morning listeners.
- Playing the Hits Debate [00:14:00] — Carissa defends playing an obscure Metallica song by saying she had to find a two-minute track. Dale and the crew debate her music selection habits.
- Carissa’s Behavioral Corrections [00:17:32] — Dale lectures Carissa about her correctable behaviors, including being late and making noise on-mic. She claims to have compulsive problems.
- Iranian Ayatollah Tweet and TAB [00:21:00] — Dale mentions tweeting at the Iranian Ayatollah about hanging gay kids, then deleting it out of fear. Discussion of the Texas Association of Broadcasters not recognizing reality radio.
- Pizzagate Introduction [00:22:00] — Dale teases Chuy’s frozen pizza story, laughing about the belief that freezing pizza longer makes it stay frozen longer.
- Bob Henry Obituary [00:23:54] — The hosts announce the death of Bob Henry, founder of Schlitterbahn water park, at age 89. Dale explains how Henry started with a single slide for his kids.
- Carissa Cries Over Bob Henry [00:25:45] — Carissa begins crying while reading about Bob Henry, prompting the hosts to mock her emotional reaction to a stranger’s death.
- Cubs Game Discussion [00:28:18] — The hosts play audio of the Cubs’ World Series win. Matt wanted Cleveland to win, leading to an argument about rooting for underdogs.
- Make Carissa Cry Part 1: Homeless Painter [00:33:03] — Matt plays a Houston news story about a homeless painter reuniting with his son after 20+ years. Carissa begins crying again.
- Carissa’s Homeless Person Encounter [00:38:10] — Carissa describes being yelled at by a homeless person who got into her car and cursed her out for only giving change. Dale lectures her about enabling addiction.
- Make Carissa Cry Part 2: Emmett and Earling [00:40:00] — A news story about a toddler (Emmett) whose elderly neighbor friend (Earling) has died. The emotional footage of their final visit makes Carissa cry again.
- Make Carissa Cry Part 3: Adult Adoption [00:43:07] — Matt plays a video of a woman giving her stepfather adoption papers so he can officially adopt her as an adult. More tears from Carissa.
- Dale’s Christmas Presents [00:46:02] — Dale laments that he no longer gets big presents like he did as a kid, just socks and shirts, even though he’s the breadwinner.
- Breaking and Entering Charity Promo [00:47:20] — Dale promotes the Breaking and Entering charity event with commitments from Dulce Vida Tequila ($1,000) and JS Electric. Also mentions Brandon Chesbrough’s sick dog GoFundMe.
Recurring Bits
- The Sideshow [00:48:38] — Dale mentions tickets on sale for the live Sideshow on December 14th, selling quickly
Callers
- unnamed [00:19:27] — Thanking Carissa for playing a song they haven’t heard 37 times Dale agreed with the sentiment but defended playing hits
- unnamed [00:21:22] — Wanted to share music trivia about the Metallica song being a Queen remake Dale dismissed them immediately and hung up
Quotes
Cubs win.
Dale Dudley [00:00:10]
I live on laughs. That’s what I live on. That’s my fuel.
Dale Dudley [00:04:55]
Grow up. You don’t have problems. You have behaviors that are correctable.
Dale Dudley [00:13:35]
If you freeze a pizza for three days, it will stay frozen in your suitcase for three days.
Bob Fonseca [00:22:37]
Nobody really won anything. Nothing really happened.
Dale Dudley [00:32:22]
Part 2: Meaty Cheesy Head Explosion
The show is consumed entirely by Daniel’s plan to bring Home Slice pizza to his brother-in-law Steve in Vancouver, Canada. What began as a simple idea spirals into an exhaustive examination of freezing, shipping, customs laws, and whether it’s even legal to transport cooked food across the Canadian border. Bob (Pop Cop) delivers the day’s pop culture news, and the hosts take endless calls from listeners suggesting solutions ranging from dry ice to therapy pizza registration. Dale grows increasingly frustrated that Daniel won’t abandon what he sees as an idiotic quest to deliver soggy, frozen, reheated pizza.
Segments
- Cruise and Concert Promos [00:00:00] — Dale promotes the upcoming comedy cruise with Jimmy Roulette and Mike McCray, and gives away Bob Schneider tickets for ACL Live on November 26th.
- Pop Cop [00:01:17] — Bob delivers pop culture news as Pop Cop, covering the CMA Awards, Janet Jackson’s baby name, Montana Mills’ drug charges, Mel Gibson’s anti-Semitism, Kendall Jenner’s expensive sofa, Hulk Hogan’s settlement, and other celebrity stories.
- Pizza to Vancouver – The Plan Emerges [00:06:13] — The hosts revisit Daniel’s plan to bring Home Slice pizza to Vancouver in his luggage for his brother-in-law Steve. Daniel reveals he wants to freeze the pizza for three days before the trip, believing it will stay frozen longer during travel.
- The Science of Freezing [00:12:05] — Dale and the crew debate Daniel’s belief that freezing something longer makes it stay frozen longer. Bob brings up quick-freezing techniques used in commercial food production.
- Home Slice Reaches Out [00:14:00] — Daniel reveals that Home Slice is excited about the discussion and willing to come on the show, possibly Friday or Monday. The hosts discuss having them listen to air checks first to understand what they’re walking into.
- Why Pizza for Steve? [00:17:00] — Dale questions why Daniel feels compelled to bring pizza when Steve comes to visit Austin and could eat at Home Slice then. Daniel reveals Steve (his Cantonese brother-in-law) specifically requested the pizza. The hosts point out Vancouver has world-class pizza restaurants.
- Canadian Customs Laws [00:20:00] — Bob discovers on Canadian government websites that bringing food across the border requires commercial packaging and labeling. Baked goods with meat or dairy face restrictions. The crew debates what Daniel can legally transport.
- Caller Suggestions Begin [00:27:00] — Callers start offering solutions: vacuum sealing, dry ice, styrofoam coolers, perishable shipping containers. Waz from Qatar calls in with his accent that sounds like a stoner, suggesting his friend successfully transported food internationally.
- Tracy Lynn’s Genius Solution [00:35:00] — Bob reads a text from Tracy Lynn in Round Rock suggesting Daniel register the pizza as a ‘therapy pizza’ to get it through customs. Dale also suggests flying into Seattle and taking an air taxi to Vancouver to avoid customs entirely.
- The Gordian Knot [00:46:00] — Caller Aaron declares the whole situation ‘a Gordian knot’ – an unsolvable puzzle – and advises Daniel to give up. He notes Daniel has already married into the family and doesn’t need to keep impressing them. Daniel insists the satisfaction is for himself.
- Breaking and Entering Charity Promo [00:48:00] — Dale promotes the Breaking and Entering charity event where they decorate disadvantaged families’ homes for Christmas. He announces a remote broadcast at Rudy’s on November 18th and thanks Tequila 512 for their $1,000 donation.
- Dale’s Meltdown on Food Quality [00:50:00] — Dale explodes about how freezing ruins food, citing Gordon Ramsay and Kitchen Nightmares. He argues that Daniel won’t be bringing ‘Home Slice pizza’ at all – he’ll be bringing destroyed, soggy, bacteria-breeding garbage. Daniel counters that he ate frozen wedding cake recently and it was delicious.
- Final Calls and Declarations [00:57:00] — The phones continue ringing with more suggestions (organ donor boxes, marking slices with numbers). Bob asks if Home Slice makes square Sicilian pizzas. Dale declares he expects to be comped at Home Slice forever after all this free publicity. The segment finally ends with Dale begging people to stop calling.
Recurring Bits
- Pop Cop [00:01:17] — Bob delivers pop culture news covering CMAs, Janet Jackson, rapper Montana Mills, Mel Gibson, Kendall Jenner, Hulk Hogan, John Daly, Obama’s Super Bowl prediction, Starbucks green cup, and World Vegan Day
Callers
- unnamed [00:27:00] — Suggests Home Slice pizza is good even left out for 24 hours Dale dismisses this as dangerous due to bacteria growth
- Waz (Qatar) (regular) [00:27:32] — Says his friend successfully brought biryani (rice and curried meat) internationally and suggests vacuum sealing Becomes a running joke due to his accent making him sound like a stoner, though Dale notes it’s more of a ‘terrorist kind of thing’
- unnamed [00:29:15] — Calls as ‘Agent Mario of the PEA, the Pizza Enforcement Agency’ and suggests Daniel learn to make pizza at Home Slice The bit falls flat – caller established a character but had no actual joke, leading to mockery about not having a script
- Eddie [00:30:12] — First-time caller, longtime listener suggests getting pizza from a Vancouver five-star restaurant and putting it in a Home Slice box Daniel rejects this saying the story begins with getting Home Slice pizza
- unnamed [00:35:10] — Suggests Googling ‘Home Slice shipping’ Bob shoots this down immediately – that’s only for hats and T-shirts, not pizza
- unnamed (chef and chauffeur) [00:36:08] — Claims to be a chef and chauffeur, says people transfer pizza in luggage all the time Dale mocks him for bragging about both professions. Gets into debate about how long pizza stays frozen and whether people really do this
- Debbie [00:52:51] — Suggests breaking the pizza apart and sealing it in bags, then buying sealed pizza from HEB Dismissed for tuning in late and missing the entire point about wanting Home Slice specifically
- Aaron [00:46:47] — Declares this is a ‘Gordian knot’ – an unsolvable puzzle – and Daniel should give up Delivers the line ‘you have a better chance of picking up a dog turd by the clean end than getting this pizza to Canada’ which becomes the best call of the segment, but only motivates Daniel more
- Sean [01:00:08] — Asks about getting raw pizza from Home Slice like Papa Murphy’s Shot down because raw food also can’t cross the border
- Eric [00:58:40] — Suggests using an organ donor box to transport the pizza Daniel says this is overcomplicating things; Bob notes at least you could have meat in it ‘because ain’t no heart made out of bread’
Text Line
- [00:35:00] Tracy Lynn in Round Rock suggests Daniel register his pizza as a therapy pizza to get it through customs and on the plane — read by Bob Fonseca Bob declares this ‘genius’ and ‘the solution to everything’ – it solves customs, the plane, everything. Becomes one of the highlights of the segment
- [00:45:00] Someone on Twitter suggests using a food-grade five-gallon bucket, putting the pizza in it, filling it with water, and freezing it into a block of ice — read by Bob Fonseca Bob presents this as legitimate; Dale immediately warns Daniel could slip his head in and drown, referencing bucket warning labels
Quotes
Now you know why your black friends weren’t answering your phone calls
Bob Fonseca (as Pop Cop) [00:02:32]
Ladies and gentlemen, I am Pop Cop, and your intelligence is under arrest
Bob Fonseca (as Pop Cop) [00:05:28]
There’s a reason why it’s called in-laws. Once you’re out, they’re outlaws
Dale Dudley [00:08:00]
If they wanted you to carry it away, they would have named the place Away Slice
Bob Fonseca [00:15:00]
I believe that some lies, if you’re lying for good and not evil, is an okay lie
Bob Fonseca [00:23:00]
You have a better chance of picking up a dog turd by the clean end
Aaron (caller) [00:46:55]
Have Daniel register his pizza as a therapy pizza
Bob Fonseca [00:51:52]
Part 3: Voting and politics
This final part continues the frozen pizza debate that has consumed the show, with Dale and Matt begging Daniel not to bring frozen pizza from Austin to Vancouver. The segment also includes political discussion about voting, voter ID laws, and the upcoming election. Bob shows off a promotional video he made for Wayland’s featuring his car. The hosts discuss voter knowledge, take a quiz about political issues, and debate the importance of voting.
Segments
- Pizza Debate Continues [00:00:06] — The frozen pizza argument picks up again off-air and immediately continues on-air with Dale, Matt, and Bob trying to convince Daniel not to transport pizza to Vancouver.
- Ranch Dressing Article [00:08:39] — Dale reads about a Washington Post article claiming ranch dressing is what’s wrong with America and will destroy the planet, generating angry reader responses.
- Elon Musk Solar Roof Tiles [00:10:38] — Dale discusses Elon Musk’s new solar roof tiles that look like regular tiles but function as solar panels, considering it for his home.
- Sid Miller C-Word Controversy [00:11:55] — Discussion of Texas Agriculture Commissioner Sid Miller’s Twitter controversy calling Hillary Clinton the c-word, his claims of being hacked, and Dale’s call for his resignation.
- Renters Warehouse Sponsor Read [00:17:09] — Matt delivers sponsored content for Renters Warehouse property management services.
- Breaking and Entering Donations [00:18:12] — Dale announces major donations to the Breaking and Entering charity: $1,200 from J&S Electric owners and $1,000 from 512 Tequila.
- Voter ID Law Confusion [00:19:01] — Dale addresses confusion at Texas polling places about voter ID requirements after federal court struck down the law. He clarifies you don’t need an ID to vote.
- KKK Sign Misunderstanding [00:22:05] — Dale reads tweets from Millennials who thought three K signs at the World Series (representing strikeouts) were KKK signs, mocking their lack of baseball knowledge.
- Pizza Debate Round Two [00:24:33] — The frozen pizza argument resumes with Dale comparing it to bringing a damaged car as a gift. Matt suggests calling Steve (the brother-in-law) to settle it.
- Bob’s Wayland’s Video [00:35:31] — Bob shows his promotional video for Wayland’s Go camera system being shown at SEMA car show in Las Vegas, featuring his car and racing footage.
- Louis CK on Voting [00:42:49] — The show plays a clip of Louis CK on Conan discussing the importance of voting and calling non-voters pieces of crap, leading to discussion about Daniel and Ari not voting.
- Voter Registration Discussion [00:46:04] — Extended discussion about early voting locations, requirements, and Carissa revealing she couldn’t register because she doesn’t have a valid ID currently.
- Voter Knowledge Quiz [00:55:17] — Dale administers a quiz about political issues to prove none of them are truly informed voters, with questions about education, deficit, median income, and more.
- Election Poll Numbers [01:05:12] — Matt reports that 538’s projection for Hillary has decreased by 22% in a week to 66%, prompting Dale to urge people to vote against Trump.
Guests
- Shag (from Iron Resurrection) (other) [00:35:31] — Featured in Bob’s Wayland’s promotional video racing Bob’s car
Callers
- Gary (Vancouver area) [00:00:30] — Final comment about Daniel bringing pizza to Vancouver, suggesting he fly through closest airport Dale sarcastically corrects him about driving through Bellingham. Call ends the pizza discussion temporarily.
- unnamed [01:06:11] — Looking for CJ Morgan Matt gives them a fake extension number as a joke
Text Line
- [00:06:57] Dale’s sister texted with four O’s in ‘move on’ about the pizza debate — read by Dale Dudley Dale uses it as example of family knowing not to text during the show, then continues pizza argument anyway
Quotes
You’re bringing him fecal matter you’re not bringing him a home-sliced pizza
Dale Dudley [00:01:55]
This hack this fat old redneck should resign
Dale Dudley [00:12:32]
If you vote for Hillary you’re a grown-up if you vote for Trump you’re a sucker
Louis CK (audio clip) [00:43:56]
I will not vote Republican because they allowed 250,000 people to die
Dale Dudley [00:49:38]