Dudley and Bob with Matt — 93.7 KLBJ-FM, Austin — Thursday, August 6, 2015
This Show
Part 1: The Worst of Dudley and Bob
This segment is classic ‘Worst of Dudley and Bob’ fare — Dale rants about his childhood dinner table (ketchup tea, the rag, spoon hamburgers), the crew spirals into absurd tangents about well-done steak, cats landing on their feet, and squirrel genetics. Daniel’s misunderstanding of evolution (‘fur turns black in the dark’) and Carissa’s empathy for animals draw Dale’s scorn. Shane Maas drops by to plug his number-one comedy album and trade light jabs with Dale.
Segments
- Well-done steak will kill you [00:00:00] — Dale reads a study linking well-done steak to Alzheimer’s, leading to a discussion of childhood ‘food nights’ at each host’s house.
- The rag and ketchup tea [00:02:41] — Dale describes his father’s habit of diluting ketchup with iced tea and using a communal dish towel at dinner. The crew is appalled and fascinated.
- Tube steak and other terrible jokes [00:05:41] — A caller named Trevor makes a crude prank call; Dale hangs up in disgust. The hosts lament their ‘idiot’ callers.
- Babysitter meals and Daniel’s PBS News obsession [00:09:01] — Matt notes his kids associate frozen chicken tenders with babysitters. Daniel defends watching PBS NewsHour over network news.
- Susan Dudley calls in [00:12:16] — Dale’s sister Susan calls to add more horrifying details about their childhood dinners: spoon hamburgers (ground beef mixed with Velveeta), beans and cornbread, and their dad’s buttermilk-and-cornbread concoction.
- Cats and terminal velocity [00:20:22] — Dale reads that cats relax at terminal velocity to minimize injury — or, he claims, position themselves to die instantly. Carissa is heartbroken; Dale mocks her sensitivity.
- Daniel’s news habits and network vs. PBS [00:27:00] — Dale and Daniel argue over the value of network news versus PBS NewsHour. Daniel admits he can’t watch the news because it makes him ‘too sad.’
- Sexiest men with kittens [00:32:03] — Daniel reveals he was ranked third on a ‘sexiest men with kittens’ website. The crew debates whether men with cats are truly men.
- The half-black squirrel [00:34:00] — Daniel saw a squirrel that was half black, half brown, and proposes it’s because ground squirrels mate with tree squirrels. Dale and Matt tear apart his genetics theory.
- Shane Maas arrives [00:40:00] — Comedian Shane Maas joins the show to plug his new album ‘My Big Break,’ which hit number one on the iTunes comedy chart. Dale sarcastically roasts him for being more successful and humble.
- Comedy albums and Netflix shows [00:45:10] — Shane recommends ‘Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.’ Dale suggests watching ‘Forensic Files’ to scare his wife into knowing she’ll get caught if she tries to kill him.
Recurring Bits
- The Worst of Dudley and Bob [00:00:00] — This entire segment is framed as part of ‘The Worst of Dudley and Bob,’ a best-of or clip show format.
Guests
- Shane Maas (comedian) [00:40:00] — In studio to promote his number-one comedy album ‘My Big Break.’ Dale gives him good-natured grief about his success.
Callers
- Trevor [00:04:49] — Called to make a ‘tube steak’ joke Dale hung up on him immediately, calling him an idiot.
- Jason [00:10:22] — Described ‘Mystery Monday’ at his grandma’s house, where everyone puts their phones in a bowl before dinner Dale appreciated the story and moved on.
- Rita [00:08:44] — Mentioned chicken liver night Dale shared his own liver horror story in response.
- Jackie or Kathy (regular) [00:27:42] — Called to talk about cats and sent Dale a card Dale thanked her; Daniel noted she also sent him a ‘racist Texas history’ book.
- Justin [00:39:10] — Identified the half-black squirrel as a ‘rock squirrel’ Settled the debate; Daniel was vindicated that rock squirrels are a real breed.
Quotes
Hand me the rag. We had hand me the rag night.
Dale Dudley [00:03:00]
He poured tea from his glass into the ketchup to make it last.
Dale Dudley [00:15:07]
I was so relieved when my mom died, I could have jumped for joy.
Dale Dudley [00:23:04]
You can’t watch national news because it makes you too sad. God.
Dale Dudley [00:25:32]
Their fur turned black because they’re always in the dark.
Daniel Gallo [00:38:41]
Part 2: The Worst of Dudley and BOb
This is part 2 of a ‘Best Of’ replay from 2015-08-06. The show features extended comedy segments including Shane Mauss discussing his ill-fated trip to the Duck Dynasty musical in Las Vegas, and an extended riff on Daniel Gallo attempting to catch flies with ice cream to demonstrate his new salt gun. The show devolves into absurdist comedy about dragons, German people, and Daniel’s philosophy education, culminating in Daniel being left alone in the studio while everyone walks out.
Segments
- Shane Mauss album discussion [00:00:00] — Discussion of Shane’s comedy album and preview samples, leading into his Vegas story.
- Duck Dynasty Musical Story [00:01:25] — Shane tells the extended story of attending the failed Duck Dynasty musical in Las Vegas with his brother, including buying souvenir beards and accidentally insulting the producer in the bathroom.
- Head to Head setup [00:06:19] — Brief discussion about doing Head to Head with Shane and ticket giveaways.
- Danish radio rabbit killing [00:11:07] — Dale brings up a Danish radio host who killed a rabbit on air, leading to discussion of potential stunts.
- Daniel’s fly-catching scheme [00:11:34] — Daniel reveals his elaborate failed attempt to catch flies using ice cream in his garage to demonstrate his new salt gun for the show.
- Ice cream aisle commentary [00:14:32] — Daniel claims the ice cream aisle is ‘the saddest place in Texas’ due to Blue Bell recall, gets called out for insensitivity given recent flooding deaths.
- Body farm discussion continues [00:21:03] — Continuation of previous segment discussion about the Freeman Ranch body farm in San Marcos and Daniel’s views on it.
- Daniel left alone experiment [00:29:04] — Everyone walks out of the studio leaving Daniel alone on air. He freezes up and can barely speak, repeatedly saying ‘anyway’ and ‘folks.’ Reveals he tried to run Periscope simultaneously.
- Dragon mythology debate [00:32:45] — Extended absurdist argument about whether dragons existed, whether humans can imagine things that don’t exist, and how dragons would create fire (combustible stomachs, flint teeth).
- Philosophy discussion [00:46:51] — Caller tries to explain the philosophical concept Daniel was mangling about original invention vs. composition. Dale invents ‘quag lab’ substance to disprove the theory.
Recurring Bits
- Head to Head [00:06:19] — Mentioned as something they should do with Shane but not actually performed in this segment
Guests
- Shane Mauss (comedian) [00:00:00] — Stand-up comedian in studio, discussed his album and told extended Duck Dynasty musical story
Callers
- Paul [00:20:43] — Expressing love for the show Brief call, asked them not to stop the show
- Hall (near Brugger mountain) [00:22:13] — Complaining about Daniel’s remarks about German people Asked to be transferred to ‘Tom Slick,’ revealed he doesn’t normally listen but knows everything about the show
- Audra (Andrea) (Rio Grande Valley) [00:22:53] — German-Mexican caller reporting on Freeman Ranch body farm Provided on-the-ground report about the body farm, discussed vultures
- Mallory (regular) [00:27:12] — Making joke about Daniel eating pizza and free sandwiches Quick joke at Daniel’s expense, recognized as repeat caller
- Nathan [00:36:53] — Suggesting they should leave Daniel alone more often Led to discussion of creating a ‘Daniel Alert System’ where they randomly abandon him on air
- Greg [00:37:34] — Asking if Daniel actually went to college Sparked discussion of Daniel’s educational background at ACC and Texas State
- Gunnar [00:39:51] — German descent, lineage traced to Rommel, telling Daniel to cease Brief aggressive call, hosts noted he sounded like a gamer
- Charles [00:40:05] — Asking where they found Daniel, calling him mythical Led to Dale explaining ‘unicorn’ as swinger terminology
- Wheelbarrow (Deadly) (regular) [00:43:00] — Regular caller checking in Hosts discussed his distinctive voice and that he’s a skinny Hispanic guy, not what people expect
- Kyle [00:43:53] — Noting Daniel’s manager taking test for him, teachers recently jailed for same thing Joke about Daniel getting his old boss arrested
- Ryan [00:46:22] — Bringing up simulation theory from NASA Brief call connecting to earlier Daniel absurdism
- Dan [00:46:49] — Suggesting they leave Daniel alone for five minutes as a bit Referenced the earlier successful experiment
- Carrie [00:45:14] — Joking that cavemen learned to cook by watching dragons Fueled the extended dragon debate
- Daniel (not Gallo) [00:48:46] — Explaining dragons come from ancient people finding dinosaur fossils Actually provided reasonable explanation that Daniel Gallo grudgingly accepted
- Mike (Philadelphia area) [00:51:21] — Explaining dragons have flint teeth to create sparks Provided dragon fire mechanism theory, hosts noted his Philadelphia accent
- Tony (Comparis Cove) [00:51:55] — Explaining philosophical concept Daniel was mangling Gave intelligent explanation of original composition vs. invention argument, Dale tried to counter with imaginary substance from another planet
Quotes
That’s the hardest I’ve ever laughed in my entire life.
Shane Mauss [00:02:51]
Do you guys have souvenir beards? No one’s bought a single thing the entire run.
Shane Mauss [00:10:41]
I put a little bit of ice cream in a bowl to catch flies.
Daniel Gallo [00:12:16]
The Ice Cream Aisle is the saddest place in Texas right now.
Daniel Gallo [00:17:33]
Anyway, folks… I was not in my… that was completely out of body.
Daniel Gallo [00:30:28]
Humans cannot think of something that doesn’t exist.
Daniel Gallo [00:45:44]
Part 3: The Worst of Dudley and Bob with Matt
This is a ‘Best Of’ or replay segment from a previous show, featuring extended conversations about personal stories and an in-studio guest. Matt (Daniel) tells a lengthy story about his wife’s mothers’ wedding in Milwaukee, complete with a drunk homeless man and Uncle Ronnie. Australian food blogger Jess Pryles joins to discuss her work writing about Texas barbecue, her move to Austin, and the culture of barbecue. The show also includes extended talk about Carissa’s family’s pet bird and chickens living in their house.
Segments
- Show Opening – Periscope Discussion [00:00:02] — Dale discusses using Periscope live streaming and mentions Carissa posted a video. Leads into discussion of her family’s bird.
- Carissa’s Disabled Bird [00:02:38] — Carissa shares Periscope videos of her parents’ disabled budgie that constantly screeches. Audio includes the bird’s noise and her mother yelling at it.
- Carissa’s Mom Loses It Over Bird [00:05:29] — Audio of Carissa’s mother completely losing her temper and screaming at the bird, with her father trying to calm the situation.
- Chickens in the House [00:08:57] — Discussion reveals Carissa’s parents also have baby chickens living in the den, in a Rubbermaid container with a warming light, until the coop is built.
- Irritable Bowel Syndrome Discussion [00:17:27] — Dale brings up new blood test for IBS. Carissa claims she has it; Dale challenges her self-diagnosis. Daniel claims to have ‘nervous colon.’
- Nervous Colon Explained [00:22:59] — Daniel tries to explain his ‘nervous colon’ diagnosis while hosts mock him. Discussion of diet, caffeine, and fast food as causes.
- Matt’s Wedding Story Begins [00:28:46] — Matt begins telling story of his wife’s mothers’ wedding in Milwaukee – two women who’ve been together 37 years finally getting married.
- Wedding Singer Discomfort [00:33:40] — Matt describes uncomfortable moment when officiant sang ‘When You Say Nothing At All’ with guitar at the small wedding ceremony.
- Capital Grill Dinner [00:35:02] — Matt took wedding party to expensive Capital Grill steakhouse. Describes guests’ complete confusion over wine selection and menu choices.
- Uncle Ronnie Orders Steak [00:37:33] — Uncle Ronnie, who hasn’t left his house in two years since his wife died, orders a ‘meaty’ steak and doesn’t understand ‘butterflied.’
- Homeless Man Encounter [00:39:46] — Mother-in-law gave all the valet tip money to drunk homeless man outside restaurant, leading to increasingly aggressive confrontation.
- Uncle Ronnie’s Death Wish [00:42:13] — Matt discovers Uncle Ronnie was waiting outside hoping for a violent confrontation because he’s lonely and has ‘nothing to lose.’
- Jess Pryles Introduction [00:45:48] — Australian food blogger Jess Pryles joins the show. Immediate confusion about her accent and whether she’s from England or Australia.
- Jess’s Background [00:49:00] — Jess explains how she came to Austin multiple times to eat barbecue, started writing about Texas food, and recently moved here permanently.
- Barbecue Philosophy [00:50:18] — Discussion of standing in line for barbecue, whether all great barbecue is equal, and Jess’s policy of not waiting unless it’s wartime.
- Jess Makes a Living [00:56:21] — Dale questions how she supports herself. Jess confirms this blog/brand work is her actual full-time job and she can pay her bills.
- Barbecue Rules – Moist vs Lean [00:58:33] — Discussion of proper way to eat barbecue, sauce or no sauce, and Jess’s advice: ‘Moist for flavor, lean to know if the pit master’s talented.’
- Harvard Barbecue Smoker [01:03:20] — Dale shows article about Harvard students inventing automated barbecue smoker. Debate over whether automation ruins the art of cooking.
Recurring Bits
- The Worst of Dudley and Bob with Matt [00:00:02] — This entire segment is a ‘Best Of’ or replay show, as indicated by the episode title
- People of the Neighborhood [00:45:43] — Dale sings the Sesame Street-style intro when bringing in guest Jess Pryles
Guests
- Jess Pryles (expert) [00:45:48] — Australian food blogger who writes about Texas barbecue on her site Burger Mary. Recently moved to Austin after years of visiting. Works with brands like Thermapen and writes barbecue guides.
Quotes
What’s that bird saying? Kill me.
Dale Dudley [00:03:32]
Chickens are not pets. They’re food.
Dale Dudley [00:11:32]
He goes, I want one of the steak. Meaty.
Matt Bearden [00:35:57]
I’m lonely and I’m 70. I got nothing to lose.
Uncle Ronnie (via Matt) [00:42:05]
I do not stand in line for food unless it’s wartime and I have stamps.
Jess Pryles [00:51:34]
Moist for flavor, lean to know if the pit master’s talented.
Jess Pryles [00:58:33]