Dudley and Bob with Matt — 93.7 KLBJ-FM, Austin — Friday, August 7, 2015
This Show
- The Worst of Dudley and Bob with Matt 1
- The Worst of Dudley and Bob with Matt
- The Worst of Dudley and Bob with Matt
Part 1: The Worst of Dudley and Bob with Matt 1
This is part 1 of a ‘Worst of’ segment featuring comedian Steve Rannazzisi in-studio, promoting his weekend shows at Cap City Comedy Club. The conversation ranges from traffic rage stories, speeding tickets, and Neil deGrasse Tyson joining by phone to discuss physics, the universe as a simulation, black holes, and drunk food. A recurring bit involves Daniel (producer) asking Chewie to rename his cat ‘Bill Cosby’ due to the comedian’s accusations, spawning a game of coming up with cat names based on criminals and dictators.
Segments
- Steve Rannazzisi Introduction [00:00:00] — Dale struggles to pronounce Steve’s last name. Discussion of past listener mail including a woman who angrily sent her plucked nipple hairs on a card.
- Austin Broadcasters Reunion Invitation [00:02:42] — Dale receives a snail mail invitation to an Austin broadcasters reunion featuring local radio veterans.
- Steve’s Conan Appearance – Traffic Rage [00:03:36] — They play a clip from Steve’s Conan O’Brien appearance where he discusses road rage on Laurel Canyon, specifically people who cut in line at the Mulholland Drive intersection.
- LA vs Austin Traffic Complaints [00:05:35] — Comparison of LA and Austin traffic. Dale’s frustration with left-lane drivers in Texas. Steve shares stories of getting multiple speeding tickets and confronting a bicycle cop.
- Fantasy Football and The League [00:13:15] — Discussion of fantasy football, Steve’s role on ‘The League’, and the show ending after one more season.
- Bill Cosby the Cat Controversy [00:14:15] — Daniel reveals he asked Chewie (Eric) to rename his cat ‘Bill Cosby’ because of the rape accusations. This spawns a game of naming cats after serial killers and dictators.
- Matt’s Cats Rehomed [00:17:01] — Matt announces he finally found homes for his feral kittens, and they’re planning to trap and fix the mother cat.
- Chewie’s FaceTime Cat Time [00:21:45] — Revelation that Daniel and Chewie FaceTime on Saturday nights to look at Chewie’s cat, complete with a photo of Chewie biting the cat’s ear.
- Neil deGrasse Tyson Phone Interview Begins [00:27:33] — Neil deGrasse Tyson joins by phone to promote his Austin appearance at the Long Center on June 18th.
- Physics of Insect Size [00:27:49] — Neil explains why insects can’t be large – their legs would collapse under their own weight due to the physics of scaling.
- Universe as Simulation Theory [00:32:57] — Neil discusses the possibility that our universe is a computer simulation, comparing it to video game physics and referencing Max Tegmark’s work.
- Cosmos Future and Science Fiction [00:36:03] — Discussion about potential future seasons of Cosmos. Neil says he consumes science fiction mostly through movies rather than books.
- Black Holes and Other Universes [00:37:20] — Neil explains what would happen if you went through a black hole – potentially accessing an entirely different space-time.
- Anti-Aging Technology and Mortality [00:39:08] — Discussion of near-future anti-aging technology and Neil’s perspective on how mortality motivates productivity.
- Alien Contact Speculation [00:41:13] — Neil suggests that if aliens contact us, we may be so far below their intelligence level that we don’t register as intelligent life to them.
- Best Drunk Food Question [00:42:01] — Matt asks Neil about the best drunk food. Neil’s answer: drink as much water as you had alcohol to prevent hangovers.
Recurring Bits
- The Worst of Dudley and Bob [00:00:00] — This entire segment is titled as part of ‘The Worst of’ – likely a best-of compilation during vacation or a break
Guests
- Steve Rannazzisi (comedian) [00:00:00] — Performing at Cap City Comedy Club all weekend, known from FX’s ‘The League’ and late night appearances including Conan
- Neil deGrasse Tyson (expert) [00:27:33] — Astrophysicist calling in to discuss science topics and promote his June 18th speaking engagement at the Long Center in Austin
Quotes
Some woman plucked her nipple hairs out angrily and sent it to me
Dale Dudley [00:01:44]
You’re on a bicycle buddy, I just hit the gas pedal and I’m gone
Steve Rannazzisi [00:08:39]
We’re having cat time on FaceTime
Daniel Gallo [00:17:23]
Are we decoding lines of code written by somebody who created this universe?
Neil deGrasse Tyson [00:35:45]
How many more sunrises do I have? It’s a countdown and that motivates me
Neil deGrasse Tyson [00:41:02]
Part 1: The Worst of Dudley and Bob with Matt
This is a ‘worst of’ compilation segment featuring chaotic discussions about death, body farms, medical issues, and relationship dynamics. The hosts discuss a forensic body farm in San Marcos, Texas, with Dale attempting to gross out Daniel. The segment spirals into a lengthy, uncomfortable evaluation of Carissa’s pros and cons as a girlfriend, including her medical complaints, odd sleeping habits, and personal hygiene issues. Throughout, there are tangents about Shakespeare, psychiatric medications, and audio cable quality.
Segments
- Opening – It’s a Small World [00:00:00] — Dale attempts to play ‘It’s a Small World’ and invites the crew on a ‘magical trip’ to the body farm.
- Body Farm Introduction [00:00:45] — Dale introduces the forensic body farm in San Marcos where bodies decompose for research purposes. The crew discusses visiting it.
- Skydiving Deaths Discussion [00:04:00] — Brief discussion of skydivers who died using wing suits, and a story about someone who may have murdered their girlfriend via parachute sabotage.
- Shakespeare Rant [00:04:46] — Dale’s sister texts about Twitter outrage over Shakespeare. Dale performs Puck monologue from A Midsummer Night’s Dream and complains about how tedious Shakespeare is.
- Body Farm Photos [00:06:08] — The crew looks at photos from the Freeman Ranch body farm showing decomposing bodies in various conditions.
- Daniel’s Discomfort [00:10:04] — Daniel becomes increasingly disturbed by the body farm images. Discussion of how bodies look like dead cacti and what vultures eat.
- Freeman Ranch Speculation [00:16:00] — Daniel questions why the Freeman family allowed a body farm on their ranch, leading to jokes about German heritage and morbidity.
- Carissa’s Illness and Tick Bite [00:21:24] — Carissa appears sick, feverish, and disheveled. She discusses being bitten by a tick and fears of Lyme disease. Her boyfriend put a pillow between them in bed.
- Carissa’s Sleep Habits [00:23:00] — Discussion of Carissa’s bizarre sleeping position – she sleeps with her legs straight up in the air and kicks her boyfriend. Dale compares it to his grandfather’s rigor mortis.
- Psychiatric Medications Discussion [00:27:00] — Extended conversation about Carissa’s medications causing strange side effects. Dale shares his experience with Charter Hospital and drugs that caused his limbs to stiffen.
- Relationship Advice [00:33:00] — Matt and the hosts discuss how much easier it would be to just get a different girlfriend given all of Carissa’s issues.
- Pros and Cons Game Begins [00:34:00] — Dale proposes doing a pros and cons list of Carissa as a girlfriend. They start with pros.
- Pros List [00:39:00] — The crew lists Carissa’s positive qualities: funny, charming, compassionate, easy sexually, cute, photogenic, spontaneous, fun when in good mood, good listener, doesn’t drink, cheap date, outdoorsy.
- Cons List [00:43:00] — The cons list begins: hypochondria, smoker, weird sleeping habits, untidy, emotionally unstable, needy, improper hygiene, terrible driver, smells of mothballs.
- Carissa’s Self-Assessment [00:47:00] — Carissa reads her own pre-written list of things she cannot do: change a tire, open jars, cook anything, put on fake eyelashes, deal with customer service, doesn’t wash hands after bathroom, doesn’t brush teeth at night, breaks everything she owns.
- Relationship Dynamic Analysis [00:50:00] — Matt explains how Carissa seemed fun at first but then all her issues slowly revealed themselves over time.
- Dale’s Life Lesson [00:52:00] — Dale tries to give Carissa advice about self-reliance using the tire-changing hypothetical and the principle of putting others first.
- Audio Cable Debate [00:54:00] — Dale brings up James Randi’s million-dollar challenge about expensive audio cables. Bob argues there are differences in cable quality; Dale insists it’s all the same.
Recurring Bits
- The Worst of Dudley and Bob with Matt [00:00:00] — This is the titled segment – a compilation or ‘worst of’ episode
Text Line
- [00:04:46] Dale’s sister texts that Shakespeare can no longer be performed because Twitter would explode over the content — read by Dale Dudley Prompted Dale’s rant about how tedious Shakespeare is and led to him performing a monologue
- [00:35:00] Dale mentions his sister texted that Pawpaw Jesse’s knees were up because he had advanced prostate cancer — read by Dale Dudley Provided medical context for earlier rigor mortis story
Quotes
Did you know if you go to Beethoven’s grave you can hear music going backwards? Because he’s decomposing.
Dale Dudley [00:10:45]
God is first, my family is second, I am third.
Dale Dudley [00:54:27]
I don’t always wash my hands after I poop.
Carissa Jade [00:49:09]
Part 3: The Worst of Dudley and Bob with Matt
This is part 3 of ‘The Worst of Dudley and Bob with Matt’ from August 7, 2015. The segment opens with the hosts mocking a Pat Robertson clip about ISIS beheadings, then Dale calls the 700 Club to request their Islam book and gets evangelized by a prayer counselor named Laura. The rest of the segment devolves into classic Friday chaos: Daniel reveals he ate an entire large Mr. Gatti’s pizza (plus ice cream and beer), sparking a calorie calculation that reaches nearly 4,000-5,000 calories. The crew also argues about whether eggs are dairy, debates Daniel’s bathroom recaulking job (repeatedly mispronounced as ‘cock gun’), discusses refrigerator organization rules in Daniel’s household, and tangles over the meaning of ‘civics’ when Daniel asks about black stuff painted on utility poles. Carissa eats boudin on-air, Connor the Brown University intern silently judges everyone, and the hosts repeatedly demonstrate why this is titled ‘The Worst.’
Segments
- Pat Robertson on ISIS Beheadings [00:00:00] — The show opens with Dale playing a Pat Robertson clip where Robertson suggests ISIS beheadings might be ‘the best thing that ever happened’ for religion. The hosts mock this extensively.
- Failed Caller / Ottoman Empire Joke [00:00:40] — Dale tries to take a phone call that doesn’t connect, then makes a joke about beheadings in the Ottoman Empire requiring an ottoman footstool.
- Dale Challenges Pat Robertson’s Islam Claims [00:02:00] — Dale sarcastically compares Islam to Christianity, listing Biblical commands about stoning children and slavery, while Robertson’s audio continues in the background.
- Dale Calls the 700 Club for the Free Islam Book [00:04:23] — Dale calls 1-800-759-0700 to request Pat Robertson’s free book ‘Islam: Religion of Peace or War?’ He provides the email ‘[email protected]’ and gets drawn into conversation with Laura, a prayer counselor.
- Laura Evangelizes Dale [00:07:00] — Laura, the 700 Club prayer rep, asks about Dale’s relationship with Jesus Christ and launches into a lengthy gospel presentation. Dale requests prayer for Carissa to quit smoking.
- Audience of One / Attorney Visits Studio [00:12:00] — Dale mentions a female attorney is the ‘Audience of One’ guest today and confesses he made ‘the worst joke’ off-air about her passing the bar.
- Daniel’s Bathroom Recaulking / ‘Cock Gun’ Saga Begins [00:14:16] — Daniel mentions he recaulked his bathroom, repeatedly mispronouncing ‘caulk’ as ‘cock.’ The crew pounces on this for an extended riff about oil-based vs. latex caulk.
- Texas State Capitol Height / Home Depot Trivia [00:17:00] — The hosts debate whether the Texas State Capitol is the tallest in the U.S. Dale Google-searches and discovers Nebraska and Louisiana both have taller capitols, deflating Daniel’s claim.
- Daniel Ate an Entire Large Pizza [00:20:00] — Daniel reveals he ate an entire large Mr. Gatti’s pizza (sausage, pepperoni, jalapeño) last night, plus a Creamy Creations ice cream cone. The crew is appalled.
- Mr. Gatti’s Origin Story / Calorie Calculation [00:24:00] — Dale reads that Mr. Gatti’s was founded in Stephenville, Texas by James R. Eurer and named after his wife’s maiden name. The crew calculates Daniel consumed roughly 4,000-5,000 calories in one meal.
- Refrigerator Organization Rules [00:29:00] — Daniel explains that his wife has strict refrigerator organization: mayonnaise-based products in one area, hot sauce in another. The crew debates whether eggs are dairy (they are not).
- Deadhead Grams Calls About Original Gatti’s Name [00:31:45] — Regular caller Deadhead Grams calls to say the original Mr. Gatti’s was called ‘The Pizza Place,’ but Dale had already read that on-air. She wins nothing.
- Super Secret Email / Off-Air Sidebar [00:32:00] — Dale receives a confidential email about a show/event and does an old-fashioned ‘sidebar’ where the music comes up and the hosts remove headphones to discuss it privately.
- Carissa Eats Boudin On-Air [00:34:00] — Carissa walks in eating a large boudin sausage. The hosts are horrified by her eating it like a lollipop on-air and the smell. She throws it away after being shamed.
- D-Day II / Putting Things Back in Their Place [00:36:00] — Dale mentions Daniel gets in trouble if he doesn’t put condiments back in the exact right slot in the refrigerator. Daniel explains the system (mayonnaise area, hot sauce bar, etc.).
- Eggs Are Not Dairy [00:39:00] — The crew definitively establishes that eggs are not dairy products, despite being in the dairy section of grocery stores. Carissa had thought mayonnaise was dairy because it’s white and creamy.
- Daniel’s Civics Question About Utility Poles [00:44:00] — Daniel asks a ‘civics question’ about the black stuff painted on electrical poles. The crew explains this is not civics (which is about citizenship and government) and debates whether it’s creosote or water repellent.
- Champing vs. Chomping at the Bit [00:51:00] — Carissa asks why ‘champing at the bit’ is correct instead of ‘chomping.’ Matt explains champing is the proper term for what a horse does to a bit, though chomping has become accepted over time.
- Hairy Armadillo Audio Drop [00:53:00] — Someone plays audio of Carissa or her family saying something about a ‘hairy armadillo’ in their distinctive accent.
- Chinese Stock Market Rant [00:53:20] — Dale rants about the Chinese stock market crash costing him money, mentioning he lost $700 in Netflix gains and that his ConocoPhillips stock dropped from $58 to $51.
- Dale: Men Should Never Be Dancers [00:55:00] — The segment ends with Dale declaring that grown men should never be dancers, after discussing Terpsichore (the art of dance).
Recurring Bits
- The Worst of Dudley and Bob [00:00:00] — This entire segment is titled ‘The Worst of Dudley and Bob with Matt’ and contains classic Friday stupidity including the caulk gun saga, Daniel eating an entire pizza, and the eggs-are-not-dairy debate.
Guests
- Connor (Brown University intern) (other) [00:41:00] — Brown University student interning at the station, mentioned as silently judging the hosts’ stupidity while reading Henry James. He briefly defended Carissa to his father before realizing he was wrong.
- Unnamed female attorney (other) [00:12:20] — Audience of One guest. Dale made a bad joke about her passing the bar (asking what kind of liquor they served).
Callers
- Laura [00:06:00] — Dale called the 700 Club to request their free Islam book Laura, a prayer counselor, evangelized to Dale extensively, asked about his relationship with Jesus Christ, and agreed to pray for Carissa to quit smoking. Dale successfully got the book sent to [email protected] without being asked for money.
- Deadhead Grams (regular) [00:31:45] — Called to tell them the original Mr. Gatti’s was called ‘The Pizza Place’ Dale told her they’d already read that on-air and she won nothing. She confirmed she would not dance topless at a ZZ Top show.
- unnamed [00:00:40] — Unknown – call didn’t connect The caller never spoke; the line was silent and Dale hung up.
Text Line
- [00:05:00] A listener stuck at work listening to another station asked them to send a package to that station, which is promoting they’ll open any package on-air — read by Unknown The hosts joked about sending something inappropriate to the competing station (KISS FM based on context about opening packages on-air).
Quotes
You are a bad man. You are a bad man.
Dale Dudley [00:12:08]
You’re the guy they bury in a piano box.
Dale Dudley [00:29:00]
We don’t have spouses. We have babysitters.
Dale Dudley [00:34:00]
Thanks Chinese. I’m not gonna eat any of your food anymore, especially those greasy egg rolls.
Dale Dudley [00:53:30]