Dudley and Bob with Matt — 93.7 KLBJ-FM, Austin — Monday, July 13, 2015
This Show
Part 1: Thrillerville
Dale and the crew discuss their weekend activities, including Matt’s comedy shows at Cap City. Dale talks at length about his new Keurig coffee maker and Mighty Mug, a speeding ticket Carissa received, and his fight with his wife on the train Friday night. The conversation meanders through fantasy football league drama with Bob threatening to drop out, microwave replacement challenges, and ends with Dale ranting about the state of downtown Austin and Sixth Street, proposing hypothetical mayoral campaign platforms including moving the ARCH homeless shelter and banning shot bars.
Segments
- Show Open and Cap City Reviews [00:00:05] — Show opens with intro. Dale mentions his father-in-law gave glowing reviews of Matt’s Cap City comedy shows over the weekend.
- Monday Morning Mishaps [00:02:24] — Matt forgot his phone and wallet. Dale forgot his Adderall. Carissa got a speeding ticket driving in this morning and discusses defensive driving options.
- Coffee Maker Saga [00:08:20] — Dale excitedly describes his new Keurig 2.0 coffee maker purchase from Costco, the deal he got, and his automated morning coffee setup.
- Mighty Mug Demonstration [00:12:20] — Dale demonstrates his new Mighty Mug that cannot be knocked over, impressing the crew with the technology.
- Burnt Popcorn Disaster [00:13:00] — Dale’s wife caught popcorn on fire in their microwave, leaving the entire house smelling burnt. Discussion of microwave replacement challenges ensues.
- Fantasy Football Draft Drama [00:19:00] — Bob threatens to drop out of the fantasy football league again. Dale pressures him to commit while Matt expresses interest in joining if Bob drops out.
- Friday Night Train Fight [00:24:00] — Dale recounts fighting with his wife on the train Friday night over last-minute roller derby plans, describing his catastrophic thinking during conflicts.
- Downtown Austin Gauntlet [00:33:00] — Dale describes the ‘gauntlet’ of homeless people, panhandlers, and shady characters they encountered walking downtown to Three Forks restaurant Friday night.
- Mayoral Campaign Platform [00:41:00] — Dale outlines his hypothetical mayoral platform: moving the ARCH homeless shelter out of the entertainment district, rezoning Sixth Street to eliminate shot bars, and adding more shops and live music venues.
- Radio Billboard Promotion Idea [00:44:00] — Dale proposes crowdfunding ‘the last great radio billboard’ that simply says ‘We Exist’ to reach new Austin residents who don’t know about the show.
Text Line
- [00:03:03] Someone from the cast texted Dale while driving in about getting a speeding ticket — read by Dale Dudley Led to discussion of Carissa’s speeding ticket that morning
Quotes
Am I the only one that when you’re in a fight, you start thinking of ways to kill yourself?
Dale Dudley [00:30:10]
You’re like the only person I know that whenever you’re in a fight, two people want you dead.
Bob Fonseca [00:30:38]
If you really want to see what’s going on downtown, go around seven when all the predators and creeps are picking their spots.
Dale Dudley [00:36:57]
Part 2: Operation Operation
The show discusses ‘Operation Overserve,’ Austin Police Department’s literal-named crackdown on bars overserving patrons downtown. This leads to extended riffing on absurd operation names. Dale promotes the September 3rd live Sideshow podcast at Cap City Comedy Club, tickets on sale at 10am. Conversation touches on Dale’s new Keurig, Ted Cruz’s book sales scandal, Texas textbooks downplaying slavery, Greg Abbott appointing a homeschool advocate to chair the State Board of Education, and Dale’s ‘I told you so’ moment about toll roads expanding to 620. The show ends discussing downtown Austin’s problems and traffic congestion.
Segments
- Opening – Time confusion and behind-the-scenes drama [00:00:00] — Dale struggles with what day it is. Brief mention of recent on-air drama and screaming while Bob was in Milwaukee.
- Live Sideshow announcement [00:00:54] — Dale announces tickets go on sale at 10am for their September 3rd live Sideshow podcast at Cap City Comedy Club for $15. Discussion of needing a theme for the show.
- Bob’s Milwaukee comedy week [00:01:11] — Bob reports his Milwaukee comedy shows were his worst week there attendance-wise, but had some of the best audiences he’s had.
- Bed Bath & Beyond and Keurig talk [00:02:03] — Dale discusses his new Keurig coffee maker from Costco and the Bed Bath & Beyond coupon experience.
- Operation Overserve introduction [00:04:41] — Dale plays news clip about Austin Police and TABC’s new downtown bar crackdown called ‘Operation Overserve.’ The hosts mock the literal naming convention.
- Extended Operation naming bit [00:06:57] — The crew riffs extensively on absurd operation names: Operation Don’t Go So Fast, Operation Find Bob’s iPad, Operation Dark in the Room, etc.
- Bartender liability and TABC laws [00:09:53] — Discussion of how bartenders are supposed to cut people off, the murky laws around overserving, and how it’s impossible in busy bars.
- Tequila bat races and college drinking contests [00:13:01] — Dale reminisces about drinking contests at bars in the 80s, including tequila bat races and beer chugging with straws. Story about ‘Billy Macklemore’ who never left the bar.
- Magic Mike XXL discussion [00:18:37] — Brief mention of the movie and Matt’s willingness to see it with Bob.
- Fantasy football deadline [00:19:13] — Matt asks if Bob is in the fantasy football league, extending his deadline to decide.
- Operation supplement income through Uber [00:20:51] — Dale reads a letter from Rich (former limo driver) explaining why regular Uber driving isn’t cost-effective when factoring in all expenses.
- Salt gun discussion [00:22:36] — Dale got his son a salt gun for flies for his birthday. Bob already has one. Discussion of what kind of salt to use.
- Listener operations call-in [00:25:21] — The hosts ask listeners to call in about what ‘operation’ they’re working on in their lives right now.
- Ted Cruz book scandal [00:27:05] — Dale reports the New York Times refused to put Ted Cruz on their bestseller list after finding his book sales were bulk purchases by political action groups, not authentic individual sales.
- Chris Betts tweet [00:29:38] — Dale mentions journalistic integrity contest winner Chris Betts tweeted him about a Broadway show, and he wonders if she wants to go with him.
- 700 Club prayer lady story [00:30:34] — Dale recounts calling Pat Robertson’s ministry for a book about Islam and getting asked about his relationship with Jesus, leading to criticism from a Tea Party listener.
- Christian persecution claims [00:32:03] — Dale pushes back on a Twitter follower claiming she faces ‘constant persecution’ as a Christian, arguing that disagreement is not persecution.
- Carissa’s Stevie Nicks painting [00:35:00] — Carissa shows a watercolor painting she did of her dog Stevie Nicks. Bob approves of the outsider art.
- Top 20 pop music complaint [00:35:48] — Dale tries to play terrible current pop hits to illustrate how shallow and formulaic modern top 40 music is. Carissa admits she likes it.
- Song of the Summer discussion [00:39:38] — Matt declares there is no song of the summer this year and defaults to Bruno Mars’ ‘Uptown Funk’ as the best of the hits genre in the last ten years.
- Hayes High School rebel mascot [00:42:00] — News clip about Hayes High School considering changing their ‘Rebels’ mascot and fight song ‘Dixie’ due to Confederate associations.
- Texas textbooks downplaying slavery [00:43:08] — Dale reads article about how Texas’ new social studies textbooks will teach that Moses played a bigger role in inspiring the Constitution than slavery did in starting the Civil War. The state Board of Education’s 2010 curriculum changes deliberately downplay slavery’s role.
- Homeschool advocate chairs State Board of Education [00:46:05] — Discussion of Greg Abbott appointing Donna Bahorich, a homeschool mom and former communications manager for Dan Patrick, to chair the State Board of Education. She’s on record saying public education is bad and wants education closer to biblical teachings.
- Dale’s ‘I told you so’ moment on toll roads [00:48:52] — Dale reads article about RM 620 being studied for improvements, which will likely include toll lanes. He reminds everyone he’s been predicting this for years, just like he predicted 360 would become a toll road.
- Austin growth and downtown problems [00:53:23] — Dale notes seeing out-of-state license plates everywhere (New York, Alaska), indicating unprecedented growth. Discussion of voting down mass transit repeatedly and downtown Austin being overrun with ‘zombies’ (homeless/aggressive panhandlers).
- 1431 next toll road prediction [00:56:53] — Caller Clark predicts 1431 will be the next toll road with its 25-26 traffic lights. Brief discussion of traffic congestion on every Austin road.
Recurring Bits
- The Sideshow [00:00:54] — Dale announces tickets for their September 3rd live Sideshow podcast at Cap City going on sale at 10am today
- Journalistic Integrity Bracket / Tournament [00:05:02] — Dale mentions Chris Betts, winner of their journalistic integrity contest, tweeted him about a Broadway show
Callers
- Stewie (Leander) [00:27:45] — His operation as a utility locator marking yards with painting flags in Dale’s neighborhood Brief friendly exchange, Dale realizes his yard is already marked
- Luke (ACC Round Rock) [00:28:14] — Operation waiting for ethics class to start, discusses utilitarianism Brief exchange about philosophy class
- Wesley [00:29:10] — Operation 2165 – get high to eat nachos Quick joke call
- unnamed [00:29:19] — Operation take a poop Quick joke call
- Clark [00:56:57] — Predicts 1431 will be the next toll road with 25-26 traffic lights Dale agrees about the chain restaurant row
Quotes
Operation call the police chief right now
Bob Fonseca [00:08:35]
Persecuted? Did someone steal your church, put you in jail for carrying a Bible?
Dale Dudley [00:32:31]
I said neighbor. How do you feel about Jesus? I said Jesus is just all right with me
Dale Dudley [00:30:49]
There is nothing downtown. That’s right. Nothing good ever happens downtown
Matt Bearden [00:56:06]
Part 3: Quaaludes
This segment covers several scattered topics: ongoing Jade Helm conspiracy paranoia and a citizen surveillance group forming to monitor military exercises; Bill Cosby’s admission about quaaludes in old court documents and a bizarre edited Cosby Show clip about ‘barbecue sauce’; a Georgetown teenager who rubbed his scrotum on a customer’s pizza at Papa Murphy’s and received a light sentence; and a rambling exploration of country songs mentioning Texas cities. The hosts also discover Tammy Stainfield, a bizarre presidential candidate who claims aliens and historical figures speak through her, providing extensive comedy material.
Segments
- Show Open and Sideshow Tickets [00:00:02] — Dale promotes live Sideshow podcast tickets going on sale at 10am and mentions an advertiser interested in next year’s Under-5 Film Festival.
- Jade Helm Paranoia and Counter-Surveillance [00:01:12] — Discussion of counter-Jade Helm citizen surveillance teams planning to monitor U.S. military exercises, including a retired firefighter organizing volunteers to follow troops around Bastrop.
- Cosby Barbecue Sauce Clip [00:10:54] — The hosts play a creepily edited clip from The Cosby Show where Bill Cosby talks about his ‘barbecue sauce’ making people ‘huggy-buggy’ after it ‘kicks in.’
- Quaaludes Discussion [00:11:04] — Conversation about Camille Cosby’s claim that women agreed to being drugged, leading to a discussion of what quaaludes were and how they were used recreationally in the 1970s.
- Brad the Burned-Out Hippie Caller [00:13:21] — Brad calls to describe his quaalude experiences, giggling through everything he says, inspiring the hosts to create a new character: ‘Burnout Hippie That Laughs at Everything Guy.’
- Georgetown Pizza Scrotum Incident [00:18:38] — Extended discussion of Austin Simmons, 19, who rubbed his testicles on a customer’s pizza at Papa Murphy’s in Georgetown and received a light sentence through a diversion program.
- Tammy Stainfield Presidential Candidate [00:31:29] — The hosts discover and extensively mock Tammy Stainfield, a woman running for president who claims aliens and dead people (including ‘Andy Rooney’ and ‘Nick Nolte’) speak through her in gibberish languages.
- Texas Songs Exploration [00:42:45] — A rambling exploration of country songs that mention Texas cities, including ‘Texas Women’ by Hank Williams Jr., ‘Austin’ by Blake Shelton, and various others, with the hosts trying to catalog them all.
Recurring Bits
- The Sideshow [00:00:05] — Dale promotes September 3rd live Sideshow podcast tickets going on sale at 10am, calling it the ‘fall fiesta podcast’
Callers
- unnamed [00:01:31] — Jade Helm conspiracy theories, arguing it’s real and Obama is a threat Brief call where the caller earnestly defends Jade Helm paranoia, the hosts mock the conspiracy
- Brad [00:13:21] — Called to describe his quaalude experiences from the 1970s Brad giggles through the entire call, inspiring the hosts to create a new character concept. They mock his burned-out hippie demeanor extensively
Text Line
- [00:18:41] Someone texted about the iPhone/iPad repair guy and how much he charges — read by Dale Dudley Dale’s daughter broke his wife’s iPad screen, leading to discussion of repair costs and AppleCare coverage
Quotes
You’ll be laughing when you’re in an internment camp.
Bob Fonseca [00:01:51]
I just saw two Green Berets going into Buc-ee’s to buy some jerky.
Dale Dudley [00:04:24]
If you’re going to take it home and heat it to 350 degrees, any microorganisms would be dead.
Dale Dudley [00:23:06]
There isn’t a kitchen in Austin that hasn’t had a scrote amount.
Matt Bearden [00:24:11]
That’s more suited for your IQ it really is.
Dale Dudley [00:30:03]